1. The 1%
The 1% have been very naughty this year. Santa does not like greedy people who do not share.
Time magazine even thought they were nice! Santa approves of people fighting for what they believe in. He especially approves of the Christian protesters protecting their Muslim comrades in Egypt.
3. Courtney Stodden
Courtney Stodden ruined Christmas. And she wants to be on the naughty list. So here it is served on a golden platter.
4. Steve Jobs
Rest in peace, Steve! You are on the nice list for being a creative innovator who wasn’t afraid to take risks.
5. Anthony Weiner
Anthony Weiner is on the naughty list for having inappropriate relationships with other women while his wife was PREGNANT. Huma Abedin is a gorgeous and intelligent lady, Anthony! What were you thinking?
6. Scarlett Johansson
This lovely lady is on the nice list because she gave the internet a lovely gift from her iPhone, which was meant to be for her ex-husband, Ryan Reynolds. We’ll leave it at that.
7. Jerry Sandusky
Not only is Jerry Sandusky on the naughty list, he is on the “you are the worst kind of person ever” list for the molestation of young boys. They will never believe in Santa because of you. You took their childhood away. SHAME ON YOU.
Maru continues his streak on the nice list for giving the internet “awws” and amusement every single day.
9. Kim Jong-il
Even in the grave, Kim Jong-il gets placed in the naughty category. For years he was a tyrannical dictator who drank copious amounts of Cognac while the North Korean citizens starved to death.
10. Nyan Cat
Nyan Cat, you are so nice. Thank you for bringing cheer to the internet with your poptart body and rainbow farts. May this meme never die. AMEN.
11. Kim Kardashian
Shame on you, Kim Kardashian, for making a mockery of marriage. It’s not the gay’s fault! Also, your products are made with slave labor. BOO.
12. The New York Senate
Thank you NY Senate for legalizing gay marriage in 2011.
13. People Magazine
People Magazine is on the naughty list for not making Ryan Gosling the Sexiest Man Of The Year.
14. Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling will always be on the nice list because he is RYAN GOSLING. (Also, he has some awesome Tumblrs.)
15. Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen is on the naughty list for being a freaking nutcase. How much cocaine did this man snort?
17. New York State Senator Roy McDonald (R)
This A+ man stood up to all of his Republican peers on the issue of gay marriage.
“You get to the point where you evolve in your life where everything isn’t black and white, good and bad, and you try to do the right thing,” McDonald, 64, told reporters. “You might not like that. You might be very cynical about that. Well, fuck it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing. “I’m tired of Republican-Democrat politics. They can take the job and shove it. I come from a blue-collar background. I’m trying to do the right thing, and that’s where I’m going with this.”
18. The Vancouver Canucks Rioters
Why would you destroy your town after your team lost a hockey game!? It’s just a game, guys. No need to break windows, overturn cars, and burn buildings!
19. San Diego Unified School District Superintendent Bill Kowba
San Diego’s Patrick Henry High School had their first lesbian homecoming king and queen this year. The school got tons of hateful mail and comments sent to their inboxes, but Superintendent Bill Kowba had something to say back.
“What is essentially disappointing is that adults who have contacted the school, many not even San Diego residents, are demonstrating such a lack of tolerance and such a negative role model for children with their hateful comments.” He also called them bullies.
20. Lindsay Lohan
Oh dear, LiLo. What a mess you have gotten yourself into this year. Getting yourself house arrested, getting in debt, having to pay off your debt by posing nude in Playboy… hot mess.
21. Inspirational Bike Boy
This little boy is on the nice list for giving inspiration for all. That’s right kids. You, too, can ride a bike if you practice and try hard! THUMBS UP FOR ROCK ‘N ROLL. I hope he gets a new bike this year.