Pretty sure employing these tricks at the next kegger will ensure you don't get laid that night.

Before performing these tricks, ask your intended audience if they ever watched any amount of PBS as a child. If the answer is 'no', then proceed. If they answer 'yes', then put the pennies and matches away and move on to Plan B.

“Hey kids! Wanna pause that Wii and come see some magic?! No? Shit.”

what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

We did the muscle tension thing in school all the time. Clench your fists together tightly for 15-20 seconds, then someone does some hoodoo hand waving magic over your fists and tells you to pull them apart. Voila! Magic as your hands are drawn back together!