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    102 Of The Best "Harry Potter" Jokes To Ever Exist

    Accio jokes!

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    🔥 People are talking about Harry Potter

    For us Muggles, the magic of Harry Potter is as enchanting as the memes and jokes that were inspired by the film.

    We've rounded up some of the best ones that'll make every HP fan crack a smile. Check them out below:

    1. "Why can't Harry tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron."

    u/Butterflylvr1

    2. "What type of drink does Snape hate the most? Jameson."

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    3. "So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I guess that's when the books started getting...dead Sirius."

    u/Sasstiel

    4. "How do the Malfoys enter a building? They Slytherin."

    u/glowintoyou

    5. "How do you know if a potion is good? You check its hex-piration date!"

    u/HereForTheJokes-13

    6. "Why doesn't Snape own a barbecue? Because he roasts his food verbally."

    7. "Why did Snape teach Potions and not Herbology? Because he can’t keep a lily alive."

    u/katienic

    8. "Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher? Because he can’t control his pupils."

    u/Ashleeeeh_

    9. "One day Lupin decides to come clean with Harry. He sits him down and tells him 'Harry, I'm a werewolf'. Harry jumps up and starts shouting, 'WHAT!? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?' Lupin sighs, hangs his head and mumbles, 'Ah yes, that too.'"

    u/LolaTrixie

    10.

    Twitter: @TheDailyHPotter

    11. "What fuel does Harry Potter put in his car? Expecto Petrolium!"

    @Grargemeister

    12. "Voldemort's parents took the 'I got your nose' game a bit too seriously."

    u/mq999

    13. How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking... JK, rolling.

    14. "How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch."

    @TheHPfacts

    15. "How do you get a mythical creature into your house? Through the Gryffindor!"

    u/Blade_Omega

    16. "Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? Because it was making him Moody."

    u/Sylren

    17.

    @slug-repellent / Via slug-repellent.tumblr.com

    18. "What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort."

    @pinchingbumms7

    19. "What do you call the entrance to a magical gym? A dumbbell door."

    @CaptGGstache

    20.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / Twitter: @gayrauder

    21. "Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man."

    u/aWildPig

    22. "What did Voldemort tell Wormtail when they went bowling? Kill the spare."

    u/lawlesskenny

    23.

    Nickelodeon / @wizards / Via wizards.tumblr.com

    24. "Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you'll never know which side he's on."

    u/grey_sun

    25.

    26. "Where did Dumbledore keep his army? Up his sleevey."

    u/LukeSA

    27.

    28. "One a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters."

    u/anonymous

    29.

    @siriddle / Via siriddle.tumblr.com

    30. Why did Hermione Granger carry a time-turner with her everywhere she went? Because she was always running late for her Ron-dezvous!

    31.

    Draco Malfoy preparing himself to say ‘Potter’ in all the ‘Harry Potter’ movies

    Twitter: @Caviarparadigm

    32.

    @da-pun-master / Via da-pun-master.tumblr.com

    33.

    @0jikke0 / Via 0jikke0.tumblr.com

    34.

    35.

    36.

    37.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / @my-h0me-is-h0gwarts / Via my-h0me-is-h0gwarts.tumblr.com

    38.

    39.

    malcolmcooks/Tumblr / Via malcolmcooks.tumblr.com

    40.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / @kindagigi-blog / Via kindagigi-blog.tumblr.com

    41.

    people say the worst part of harry potter is the really long bit of them camping in the woods but actually it's when Hagrid explains there are 29 knuts to a sickle and 17 sickles to a galleon. just an absurd currency system. complete dogshit

    Mesut_Ausil/ Twitter / Via Twitter: @Mesut_Ausil

    42.

    i don’t get how people can say harry potter is fake. like just watch the movies they literally caught everything on film

    CaucasianJames/ Twitter / Via Twitter: @CaucasianJames

    43.

    Death Eater: why don’t you just go and kill Harry Potter now? Voldemort: before …before the end of the school year? wtf?

    AbbieEvansXO/Twitter / Via Twitter: @AbbieEvansXO

    44.

    albus dumbledore adding some points in the last minute for gryffindor because harry potter just breathed https://t.co/upuPkc0LnC

    gayrauder/Twitter / Via Twitter: @gayrauder

    45.

    why does harry potter need glasses. there’s no spell to fix his eyes? I don’t care btw

    DylanGelula/Twitter / Via Twitter: @DylanGelula

    46.

    remember when professor flitwick in harry potter got queer eyed

    ULTRAGLOSS/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ULTRAGLOSS

    47.

    Harry Potter: *exists* Aunt Petunia Dursley:

    hiitaylorblake/Twitter / Via Twitter: @hiitaylorblake

    48.

    How did Harry Potter and the other boys sit comfortably on their brooms? Were the testicles pushed to one side or was there a spell like “penus deletus” to temporarily hide their junk?

    sarahschauer/Twitter / Via Twitter: @SJSchauer

    49.

    Harry Potter: Voldemort killed Cedric Ministry of magic: Liar Harry: use a pensieve to view my memories Ministry: we don wanna

    steeve_again/Twitter / Via Twitter: @steeve_again

    50.

    harry potter: i’m depressed dumbledore: your parents died when you were a baby, cedric and your godfather were killed in front of you, a homicidal maniac is trying to kill you. i get it harry: yeah dumbledore: so i need you to go on a deadly quest to find some soul trinkets

    andikelaura/Twitter / Via Twitter: @andlikelaura

    51.

    remake Harry Potter with an all-muppet cast but have Severus Snape played by Adam Driver

    sketchesbyBoze/Twitter / Via Twitter: @SketchesbyBoze

    52.

    Snape: just flick your wand, say "accio," and whatever you desire will come to y– Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS *two corpses come flying thru the window* Harry: [screaming] Snape: lmao

    _elvispresley_/Twitter / Via Twitter: @_elvishpresley_

    53.

    u think harry potter ever thought about just picking up a gun

    helen/Twitter / Via Twitter: @helen

    54.

    harry potter, age 11: why do you hate weasleys so much? they seem nice draco malfoy: they are blood traitors. i bet they use toilets too harry potter: i- [voice cracking] what

    C0REZI/Twitter / Via Twitter: @C0REZI

    55.

    the reason everyone in the harry potter movies was white is because no parent of color would ever let their child spend 9 months out of the year at a place where trees beat the shit out of u and a giant snake lurked in the bathrooms waiting to eat children. in this essay i will

    ULTRAGLOSS/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ULTRAGLOSS

    56.

    harry potter if he was a vlogger 1. i killed my professor 2. HOW TO SURVIVE A BASILISK ATTACK (w/ tips) 3. my stalker tried to kill me 4. i saw my crush’s boyfriend die? 5. O.W.L.S vlog (gone wrong!) 6. girlfriend tag! (ft. ginny weasley) 7. I DIED + CAME BACK (not clickbait)

    abbyraejepsen/Twitter / Via Twitter: @abbyraejepsen

    57.

    The Order of the Phoenix should be called Harry Potter And The 267 Times Mrs Weasley Was Right But Everyone Ignored And Gaslit Her Because They’d All Decided She Was A Hysterical Bitch

    anne_theriault/Twitter / Via Twitter: @anne_theriault

    58.

    runwithskizzers/Twitter / Via Twitter: @runwithskizzers

    59.

    Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no

    ArfMeasures/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ArfMeasures

    60.

    Dobby is a free elf, Dobby is eternally grateful to Harry Potter

    nkvp/Twitter / Via Twitter: @nkvp

    61.

    CeceEwing_/Twitter / Via Twitter: @CeceEwing_

    62.

    Ginny weasley opening the chamber of secrets and getting everyone killed

    likesmoth/Twitter / Via Twitter: @likesmoth

    63.

    when you get kicked out of hogwarts and have to sell wands on the black market

    JordanUhl/Twitter / Via Twitter: @JordanUhl

    64.

    Remember how in Harry Potter, Mrs. Weasley had that clock that showed where her family was, & it stopped working once Voldemort came back because now all the hands always just pointed to MORTAL PERIL? That’s what I think about whenever anyone asks anyone “How are you?” these days

    secondhusk/Twitter / Via Twitter: @secondhusk

    65.

    Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate] James Potter: push down and then pull back Voldemort: I am [still struggling] Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10

    NewDadNotes/Twitter / Via Twitter: @NewDadNotes

    66.

    harry was really gonna let ron get all the way to hogwarts and not tell him he’s got dirt on his nose cause hes a fake ass fuckin friend hermione’s the only real one in this whole shit

    MattBellassai/Twitter / Via Twitter: @MattBellassai

    67.

    Voldemort was really beefing with a kid.

    PersnicketyK/Twitter / Via Twitter: @PersnicketyK

    68.

    Darth Vader: I killed three whole planets. Thanos: I killed half the universe. Voldemort: I uhh...almost killed this one kid like 7 times. Everyone: Voldemort: *shakes head sadly* stupid mother’s love.

    andlikelaura/Twitter / Via Twitter: @andlikelaura

    69.

    when you're tied with slytherin but dumbledore says fuck it and gives 10 points to gryffindor last minute https://t.co/a6tEq8Utbp

    zephanijong/Twitter / Via Twitter: @zephanijong

    70.

    ron after a year of trying to figure out how hermione is taking so many classes while she gaslights him

    neonacropolis/Twitter / Via Twitter: @neonacropolis

    71.

    antoni and karamo look like hogwarts professors who volunteered to chaperone the yule ball just for an opportunity to get dressed up

    alchemyfawn/Twitter / Via Twitter: @alchemyfawn

    72.

    8-year-old: Never do forbidden curses. Me: That's right. 8: Unless you won't get caught. I'm raising a Slytherin.

    XplodingUnicorn/Twitter / Via Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    73.

    DUMBLEDORE: Hey this 11 year old is now responsible for saving us from Magic Hitler. EVERYONE ELSE: Okay.

    AndrewNadeau0/Twitter / Via Twitter: @AndrewNadeau0

    74.

    phantomthread/Tumblr / Via phantomthread.tumblr.com

    75.

    fierceawakening/Tumblr / Via fierceawakening.tumblr.com

    76.

    hisnamewasbeanni/Tumblr / Via hisnamewasbeanni.tumblr.com

    77.

    FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous. SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    78.

    hackerperidot/ Tumblr / Via hackerperidot.tumblr.com

    79.

    ALBUS: We must protect Harry AT ALL COSTS. SNAPE: His first Triwizard task is to defeat a dragon. ALBUS: Oh shit this'll be siiiiiiick.

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    80.

    firelordzuko/Tumblr / Via firelordzuko.tumblr.com

    81.

    kat2kool/Tumblr / Via kat2kool.tumblr.com

    82.

    ALBUS: Only the most powerful magic can destroy a horcrux HARRY: Gotcha ALBUS: Do you? HARRY: Gonna need one hell of an Expelliarmus ALBUS:

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    83.

    ourcatoverlords/Tumblr / Via ourcatoverlords.tumblr.com

    84.

    itseasytoremember/Tumblr / Via itseasytoremember.tumblr.com

    85.

    perhapsarat/Tumblr / Via perhapsarat.tumblr.com

    86.

    sonic06apologist/Tumblr / Via sonic06apologist.tumblr.com

    87.

    sugarandspite/Tumblr / Via sugar-and-spite.tumblr.com

    88.

    malcolmcooks/Tumblr / Via malcolmcooks.tumblr.com

    89.

    Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate] James Potter: push down and then pull back Voldemort: I am [still struggling] Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10

    newdadnotes/Twitter / Via Twitter: @newdadnotes

    90.

    flyfella/Tumblr / Via flyfella.tumblr.com

    91.

    "Dammit," said Tom, shaking the wand violently. I AM LORD DOLT MOVER Harry's scar surged like white fire as Dolt Mover swore repeatedly

    hellocontrol/Twitter / Via Twitter: @hellocontrol

    92.

    dragon-in-a-fez/Tumblr / Via dragon-in-a-fez.tumblr.com

    93.

    there are no buff wizards in Harry Potter, no gym in Hogwarts, no-one does a push-up at any point. I could crack Ron Weasley’s spine like a glowstick

    tomwalkerisgood/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tomwalkerisgood

    94.

    championofkronos/Tumblr / Via championofkronos.tumblr.com

    95.

    lunalovegoodjunior/Tumblr / Via lunalovegoodjunior.tumblr.com

    96.

    siriusblaac/Tumblr / Via siriusblaac.tumblr.com

    97.

    kvothbloodless/Tumblr / Via kvothbloodless.tumblr.com

    98.

    sodomymcscurvylegs/Tumblr / Via sodomymcscurvylegs.tumblr.com

    99.

    starrychuck/Tumblr / Via starrychuck.tumblr.com

    100.

    biggest-gaudiest-patronuses/Tumblr / Via biggest-gaudiest-patronuses.tumblr.com

    101.

    perhapsarat/Tumblr / Via perhapsarat.tumblr.com

    What's your favorite Harry Potter joke? Share it in the comments below!

    This article contains content from Michele Bird, Casey Rackham, and Andy Golder. It was compiled by Salimah McCullough.

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