We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the craziest things they've seen go down at a Disney theme park. Here's what's really happening at the "Happiest Place on Earth."
1. This inappropriate memorial.
"I worked custodial for a few months, and one of the stories I heard was after someone reported a weird dust/sand on one of the rides. Someone decided to spread their loved ones ashes on the ride. Yes, the ride had to be closed down and cleaned. I don't care how much your dear aunt Mary loved Disney, The Haunted Mansion is NOT a good place for her ashes!"
—Laurie Wilson Keller, Facebook
2. This unfortunate sight.
"I saw a man with cutoff shorts so short that his scrotum was hanging out. It was funny until my sister who was, like, six years old at the time saw it too."
—Kayla Thomas, Facebook
3. This cat lady.
"I was with my in-laws and we were walking near the pier at California Adventure when we saw this middle-aged woman pushing a stroller. She looked disheveled and confused, and when we looked in her stroller, we saw about four or five stuffed cats dressed like baby dolls. She walked by us as she was whispering little compliments to her stuffed cats."
4. This painful experience.
"Well, during one Grad Night, two teens were in the Haunted Mansion. They thought because it was dark inside, no one would see the girl giving the boy a blowjob. Little did they know, some of Master Gracey's servants were hiding in the walls of the mansion. The teens were caught in the act by one of them, who shouted out from the darkness, 'You're doing it wrong!' Girl bit his penis. Medic, security, managers, everyone you can imagine who needed to be involved was there."
—Tiffany Nieves, Facebook
5. This sea-riously weird observation.
"While sitting with my friend in front of Small World, I noticed something was crawling slowly past me. It was an actual live lobster crawling along the pathway. As I shouted to my friend to look at it, one of the Cast Members walked nonchalantly up and grabbed the lobster saying, 'Now how did you get out?' He then proceeded to throw the lobster into the waters directly behind us. Long story short, Disneyland breeds their own lobsters."
—Lynze Milne, Facebook
6. This money-saving technique.
"One warm day when I was working in Fantasyland, this dad was appalled at how expensive the little fan/spray bottle things were. He refused to buy one for his kids, claiming he had a better idea. A little while later when I was leaving, I saw him take a big gulp of water and then spit/spray it out onto his two little girls."
7. This unexpected meal.
"We were on the Ferris Wheel at California Adventure and my whole family saw a duck eating another duck… Cannibalism at the 'Happiest Place on Earth.'"
8. The most neglectful parents of the year.
"I once saw parents tie their leashed child to a pole so they could ride Splash Mountain. They were greeted with security when they came back to retrieve the poor kid."
9. This early bloomer.
"I went to Disney with my brother and sister-in-law and their two kids. We spent hours waiting in line to meet Queen Elsa at my niece's demand. My nephew wasn't feeling it. When we were just two people away from getting to the front of the line he started bawling. Elsa bent over and asked him what was wrong. He stopped crying for a second and said, 'You have nice boobies' while putting a hand on her breast. We were all mortified but couldn't help but laugh our asses off."
10. This mom who went to unnecessary lengths.
"A woman was about to enter the Space Mountain ride with her son, who wasn't tall enough and didn't want to go on the ride. She then took a pair of high heels out of her backpack and forced her son to wear them. The ride attendant gave her the sassiest 'you're an idiot' look and told her to exit the line. I will always feel bad for that boy and what else his mother made him do that day."
11. This potluck of lost and found items.
"I used to work at Space Mountain, and when the rockets came back from their cycle around the Mountain, we would check for lost and found items a Guest might've left behind. We found all kinds of fun things, including weaves, a glass eyeball, and I've even had a rocket come back with semen on the seat."
12. This interesting character.
"A friend of mine works at Haunted Mansion at WDW and told me of a guy that comes around occasionally, asking women to sneeze on him."
13. This Tinker Blow.
"We were waiting in line to see the Butterfly Garden and my niece had to go to the bathroom. The nice Disney workers let us go use the single stall staff restroom behind scenes so we didn't have to go far. The door wasn't locked, but we walked in on Tinker Bell and a friend getting gruesome in the bathroom! My niece still talks about how she saw Tink 'proposing' to a male fairy friend at Disney World. I will never forget that!"
14. This POS human.
"As a Cast Member I saw a grown man (in front of his wife and children) shove a pregnant Cast Member up against a wall and try to punch her stomach because she wouldn't let him cut in line."
15. And this one.
"I once witnessed a guest trying to stuff her dog in a locker so she could go on Grizzly River Run at Disney California Adventure."
16. This incident.
"While riding Everest in Animal Kingdom, I saw an object fly past my head during the drop. When the ride stopped, a man four rows ahead of my raised his hand and informed the Cast Member that his prosthetic leg had somehow fallen off during the ride. They had to E-Stop the ride and go find it."
17. This moo-vement.
"We were on Main Street and it got really crowded. Suddenly, someone started mooing like a cow. Not long after, a lot of people were mooing like we were a bunch of cattle. Honestly, it was the best part of my day."
18. This accidental flashing.
"My cousin and I had painted some t-shirts with the Colorado flag inside a Mickey Mouse head shape before we went to Disney. While we were there it started raining so we bought sweatshirts, took off our wet Colorado t-shirts, and then headed to Space Mountain. As we were waiting in line, there was a man across from us wearing a Colorado t-shirt and was with his wife and kids. My cousin then yelled, "Hey, we're from Colorado too!!' and then lifted her sweatshirt to show him our Colorado shirts…but forgot we had taken them off. Needless to say, we did not ride Space Mountain. I've never seen my cousin run that fast."
19. This frisky couple.
"On Pirates of the Caribbean, about halfway through the ride, a couple that had up until then been making out, shifted and looked like they were changing seats. To my surprise, the guy bent the girl over the rail into the next row and began banging her from behind with all his might and they both were moaning as loud as humanly possible. Security was waiting at the exit for them and I'm pretty sure they were banned from the park. It was the most uncomfortable 15 minutes of my life."
20. This woman who couldn't wait for a bathroom.
"My friends and I were sitting at the benches on Main Street when we noticed a woman from far away walking with some people. Her hand slid down the side of her hip, reached under her dress, pulled out a tampon, and put it into her fist, ALL while continuing to walk."
21. And this guy with seven years' worth of stories.
"I worked there for seven years. I had a guy THROW HIS TODDLER AT ME. I had a guy take off his fake leg and swing it at my face. I had a young woman hand me a ziplock bag full of ashes and ask me, 'Where can I leave grandma?' I had numerous people ask me if I could turn on the A/C because they honestly believed Disneyland was in a giant glass dome. Oh, and I was once scheduled to spend the day at Disneyland with Gary Busey. That was fun."
TL;DR: Never go to Disney. (JK, definitely still go to Disney.)
These responses have been edited and condensed for clarity.