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101 Thoughts Every Server Has While Working A Shift

Why is table 26 looking at me like that?

1. Ugh, OK, another shift.
2. Busy or slow, busy or slow? I’m getting a slow vibe.
3. I kind of hope it’s slow, even though I reeeeally need money. Is that terrible?
4. I shouldn’t have picked up this shift.
5. No, it’s cool! Get your head in the game! It’s going to be a great shift!
6. Who’s working with me today?
7. YESSS, perfect, Greg will totally be OK with me getting cut if it comes down to it.
8. I *will* get cut first, right? I wasn’t even scheduled today. This was a favor.
9. Ah! A table.
10. Wait, do I know today’s specials?
11. Shit shit shit shit.
12. I’ll just let them settle in a bit while I caaaasually take notes by the specials board.
13. They’re settling in… for a while.
14. Should I go over?
15. Have they looked at the menu?
16. I’m going over. Just to say hey!
17. OK I should not have gone over.
18. I mean, how long does it really take someone to pick out a drink, though?
19. Is it that crazy that I was just TRYING to do my JOB?
20. I’ll just wait over here.
21. Shuffle the silverware around so it looks like I’m doing something worthwhile.
22. *So bored, trying not to look bored.*
23. Shit, now they’re all giving me a death stare!
24. OK that was actually fine. They might just be people with default angry faces.
25. Is it too soon to go back over?
26. I’M SO BORED.
27. WHERE IS EVERYBODY.
28. Now I’m just staring at this table like an actual psychopath.
29. “How’s that water” hahaha but like, really.
30. Maybe there’s some food to run.
31. Ugggggggggh it’s the hot chef today.
32. If I run food he’ll be like, “Wow, what a great server. And a great person? We should hang out.”
33. I’m going to ask a question about the special. Show some real initiative.
34. Hahaha WHOOPS the kitchen is a LOT busier than the front right now.
35. Yikes.
36. Back to my section.

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37. THREE NEW TABLES???? WHAT? HOW?
38. Shit shit shit OK let’s do this.
39. You got this, you got this, just get in the zone.
40. That first table is eating, good, great.
41. Yes, of course I can get you a side of ketchup, I just can’t make eye contact with any other tables while I do it.
42. Ah, well, the other table grabbed me. I’ll get the ketchup in a moment.
43. There is a spot in heaven reserved for people who know exactly what they want, order it in seconds, with no special requests. I could kiss this two-top.
44. Now I just need to get to the POS…
45. Aaaaand someone else has grabbed me. OK. New order, real quick, no biggie.
46. You’re allergic… to sugar? And you’re watching your salt intake?
47. Ketchup ketchup ketchup do not forget the ketchup.
48. Sure, I have time to go ask the kitchen which dishes have sugar in them.
49. Perfect. They will love that.
50. But they can wait while I put the other table’s order in.
51. Wait, we’re out of the skirt steak? Since when????
52. And why is that table looking at me as if I’ve killed their family?
53. FUCK, THE KETCHUP.
54. OK OK what was I doing?
55. Order in. Sugar question at the kitchen. Run some food. Back to table. Go go go go.
56. How gross is it if I eat some of table 22’s leftover fries?
57. How gross is it, if none of my co-workers see me?
58. Oh, excellent, 25 just got sat. And they need a high chair.
59. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A GOOD TIME TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BAND, GREG WHO IS NOT IN THE WEEDS??

60. All right. Full section. Good! This is good. I’m in a good ~rhythm.~
61. I feel kind of like a dancer. Is that weird?
62. No! There’s an art to this! And I am an artist!
63. Man, you know, I really do love my job.
64. Drinks are in for table 25. No one needs anything at this immediate moment.
65. Look at everyone, eating, and laughing, and having a good time. We did that. I did that.
66. Wait, no, that table is definitely pissed about something.
67. Hahaha oh right, the ketchup table asked for more water like a half hour ago.
68. Welp, not getting a good tip from them. FAIR.
69. Is table 22 seriously tapping me on the back WHILE I’m clearing plates from table 23? Who does that?
70. Aaaaand there goes the salad dressing down my shirt.
71. I fucking hate this job.
72. OK, whew. Breathe.
73. Goodbye table 24! You were great! I’ll miss you!
74. Wait, 10% tip????
75. Akjbfkjbkasfjbsbdfbdgbdf.
76. Maybe there’ll be another rush.
77. Well, OK, maybe there won’t be another rush.
78. But at least I’ll get out early!
79. I’ll get a head start on my side work.
80. Don’t watch the clock, don’t watch the clock.

81. I’m just gonna like… go smirk at the chef. Like, a “People, amirite?” look. He’ll get it.
82. He didn’t get it.
83. I’ll just wipe down these tables one more time.
84. Isn’t it weird that just an hour ago I was going out of my mind busy, and now I’m literally just standing here trying to remember all the words to the theme song of Three’s Company?
85. Ten more minutes, just tennnnnn more minutes.
86. How’s Greg doing? Maybe he’ll play some Never Have I Ever.
87. Wait is that a three-top coming in?
88. Don’t seat them in my section. DO NOT seat them in my section.
89. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
90. OK, try not to be mean. These are people too.
91. People… who … asked when we closed, found out it was in ten minutes, and decided to sit anyway.
92. People who are terrible.
93. Well at least it’s an easy enough order.
94. I’ll just keep cleaning around them.
95. And stare at them as they finish.
96. And figure out a good “Never Have I Ever” to get Greg out.
97. Or just stew here in my grumpiness.
98. And they’re gone! And they left a good tip. Now I feel like a dick.
99. Whatever, I’m done.
100. Clocking out.
101. Time to drink.

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