1. If you're talking on the phone, you're probably lying down, and your phone is resting on your face.
2. When people talk about what they would do if they won the lottery, you say you'd travel but you know the answer is "nothing."
3. Daily showers are ENTIRELY unnecessary when perfume and deodorant exist.
4. You say you're moderately active, but you mean you walk from your desk to the bathroom and back a couple times a day.
5. Even the shortest distance is still far enough to warrant delivery.
6. Ditto taking a cab.
7. The only way you'll pick something up that you've dropped is if you can do it with your feet.
8. You generally put off getting up to pee until it is a legitimate emergency.
Ive had to pee since I woke up & im still laying here like
9. Same thing goes for getting up to charge a dying battery.
@ 5% and too lazy to plug my phone in when the charger is right next to me #dailystruggles
10. You're into the idea of having kids insofar as they could act as tiny people who bring you the peanut butter from the cabinet.
11. Speaking of peanut butter, eating it by the spoonful directly from the container is, in your mind, 100% a fine meal.
Peanut-butter for dinner because I ran out of cookie butter. SomeoneBringMeDinner #NoButReally...
12. You eat cold leftovers, not because you prefer the taste, but because 30 seconds in a microwave is entirely too long.
13. You've used the wrong utensils because you didn't feel like cleaning the right ones.
Got lazy last week and decided to put off washing spoons. Paid for it this morning, had to eat cereal with a fork.
14. You also judge mold on a case-by-case basis. Little bit in the corner of that block of cheese? DIG IN.
15. Your bed is home to your laptop, your book, your journal, maybe an old yogurt container...
16. You firmly believe you should be allowed to crash at a restaurant or bar when your friends refuse to wrap it up.
17. There is literally no activity you'd choose over lying down.
18. You've texted your roommate from your bedroom, just to have them come in and close your door.
19. Ninety-nine percent of your decision to watch a show is based on whether or not it's playing when you turn on the TV.
20. You've never dusted, and you're skeptical that anyone really does.
21. You've delayed brunch plans with a text saying you're going for a run, and then gone back to bed.
22. What you said you did over the weekend: ran some errands, met a friend for some drinks, cleaned the apartment. What you did: watched two entire series that you only kind of liked.
23. Your clothes live in one of three places: your body, the clean side of your laundry bag, or the dirty side of your laundry bag.
24. You've gone 48 hours without changing your clothes.
25. You've run errands in your pajamas.
26. You're fairly certain you will one day meet your demise because you were bending awkwardly trying to reach something without leaving the chair/bed/shower.
When you drop your pencil and you're just too lazy to leave your chair to get it