1. William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet
Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work out for these two.
2. John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men
Spoiler alert: George shoots Lennie in the head.
3. William Golding’s Lord of the Flies
Spoiler alert: The kids murder a kid.
4. William Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying
Spoiler alert: All the identities collapse.
5. Toni Morrison’s Beloved
Spoiler alert: History is sorrow.
6. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice
Spoiler alert: They get over their issues.
7. Junot Díaz’s The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
Spoiler alert: Oscar dies.
8. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita
Spoiler alert: He’s a goddamn pedophile.
9. Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird
Spoiler alert: Juries are racist.
10. George Orwell’s 1984
Spoiler alert: You can’t beat Big Brother.
11. Vergil’s Aeneid
Spoiler alert: Aeneas bounces, so Dido kills herself.
12. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter
Spoiler alert: The preacher is the baby-daddy.
13. Herman Melville’s Moby Dick
Spoiler alert: The whale wins.
14. Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary
Spoiler alert: Emma sleeps around, then takes arsenic and dies.
15. Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex
Spoiler alert: Oedipus fucks his mom.
Shoutout to the nerd who spoiled the Bible for his help.
- Five people were arrested as protesters gathered in Chicago after the release of a dash-cam video of the fatal shooting of 17-year-old Laquan McDonald. ›
- Brussels started reopening schools and the Metro Wednesday after a four-day security lockdown. The city remains on the highest terrorism alert. ›
- Pope Francis has arrived in Kenya. It's his first visit to Africa as pontiff. ›