1. The Mask pretty much starts with some classy foreshadowing.
Foreshadowing is even better when it’s brought to you by Ben Stein.
2. You can tell what the moral of this movie is right from the beginning because Ben Stein explains it!
THE MASKS AREN’T JUST MASKS, THEY ARE ALSO METAPHORS. The mask, it’s not hiding you: IT ALLOWS YOU TO BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC YOU. Sorry, it’s a symbol that’s going to manifest in the film and it’s got me all animated.
3. It practically requires you to use the word “jalopy.”
Look how dilapidated that car is! Poor Stanley Ipkiss, you have the sensible but not too sensible haircut of 1990s Jim Carrey and you deserve better than this.
5. His henchmen have ponytails.
Look at the SIZE of that thing.
6. A shrewish landlady is shrill.
You can always tell a shrew by her fussy hair covering.
7. The hero has a dramatically cleft chin.
The shadow that chin casts on itself!
9. A grown man wears pajamas.
And rocks them.
10. The fourth wall gets broken.
Talk to me!
12. There’s evil golf.
Golf should always be associated with evil.
13. The Mask features the original weird Cameron Diaz joke.
She licks that ear like she’s looking for peanut butter in there.
14. There’s an academic who only studies masks.
LOL ivory tower, u wack.
15. The park built on a landfill is called Landfill Park.
16. The female love interest helps the male hero discover that he was a good person all along.
Tears in my eyes.
17. A woman sells a man out for money.
I mean really, Stan, why are you so ready to believe that a woman sees right through your meek banker exterior and straight into the depths of your soul?
18. A terrier is heroic.
He follows Stanley to jail, breaks into jail, steals the jail keys, and gets Stanley out!
19. That terrier is also hard of hearing.
“Not the cheese! The keys!” Terriers, they’re always misunderstanding!
20. There’s a happy ending on a bridge.
ALWAYS KISS ON A BRIDGE. It is inherently romantic and more people should do it.