1. This avuncular squirrel, whose humorous pamphlet has him in stitches.
“These jokes are just killing me,” chuckles this squirrel to himself.
2. This white rabbit, who is checking to see if he’s run out of time.
3. This dapper little chap, who is carrying a duckling slung under his arm like a purse as though he has somewhere to go.
All dressed up and nowhere to go because he’s glued to a wooden oval.
4. These romantic mice, who are about to make a lifelong commitment.
“‘Til death do us part” is for wimps.
5. These critters who know it’s important to play cards and shoot pool because life’s too short.
There is certainly no time like the present to open up your chest cavity to show your true colors; be your most authentic selves, squirrels.
6. These little souls, attempting to cruise away from it all.
7. This toothy little buddy, who’s all dressed up in his favorite headdress because he’s going to a better place.
8. This bunch of pugnacious forest creatures who still see something to fight for.
9. This armadillo who’s drinking his life away.
Coca-Cola is not very good for your health, armadillo, but I guess I can see why that doesn’t mean too much to you.
10. This wolf who can’t wait for Judgment Day.
Wolves, they love to judge.
11. This festive cougar, who is lying down because he ate too much stuffing.
Cougar, it seems to me you don’t have much to celebrate.
12. These chipmunks, who just want to leave their old lives behind and join the rodeo.
The plastic dinosaurs are cute, little friends, but real dinosaurs went extinct millions of years ago. I know this may be painful, but it is better to know the truth.
13. This ferret, who doesn’t subscribe to the idea that “you can’t take it with you.”
“Oh, can’t I?” says this ferret. “Perhaps you haven’t seen my backpack.”
14. This couple, looking forward to a long, long rest.
15. This squirrel, who could honestly keep dancing with Barbie forever.
Asking her to save the last dance was a canny move; it’s always good to have plans for how your night ends.
16. This anteater who works late nights at the office because he just isn’t ready to quit.
Shuffle off this mortal toil, anteater!
17. These leopards who are using this plastic sheet as a veil to hide behind.
Takes your breath away.
18. This squirrel who actually isn’t sure if he’s ready to face the music.
19. This little guy who’s developed a personal style that is clearly influenced by Where’s Waldo? because sometimes, he does feel a bit lost.
20. This polar bear who shows up to parties way overdressed because he worries that he’ll never get the chance to wear this tuxedo again.
21. This badger who wouldn’t be caught dead without a bow tie.
22. This crew of rodents partying like there’s no tomorrow.
23. This horse fronting like he’s a mythical beast.
Look, everyone can plainly see that you are a horse. It’s OK to just be yourself.
In conclusion: I’m sorry, animal kingdom.
- An ultra-Orthodox man stabbed six people at Jerusalem's gay pride parade today. He has been apprehended.
- A judge set a $1 million bond for Ray Tensing, who was charged with murder for fatally shooting Samuel Dubose.
- The Taliban has appointed Mullah Akhtar Mansour as its new Afghan leader.