1. Despite its jankiness, you still love the rollercoaster at the Santa Monica Pier.
And for reals, the first time you rode it as a kid it was so motherflippin’ scary.
2. You went on an awkward middle school date to an open-air mall with a gratuitous fountain.
3. You are woefully unprepared every time it rains, and yet you have never considered purchasing rain gear.
If you own an umbrella, isn’t that like asking for more rain?
4. You have a love-hate relationship with chihuahuas.
Cutest little yappy demon I ever did see.
5. You have an uncle who loves to talk about the terrors of L.A. in the ’80s, probably just so he can say the words “Night Stalker.”
DON’T LEAVE YOUR WINDOW OPEN AT NIGHT, KIDS.
6. Transit TV is like a goddamn car wreck you can’t look away from.
7. For you, the howling of coyotes inspires neither wonderment at the beauty of nature nor fear for your safety.
We get it, you have the eerie shriek of an otherworldly beast. Now SHUT THE HELL UP.
8. Spanish-speaker or not, you can curse in Spanish.
9. When non-Angelenos ask how often you see famous people, you have to explain that it may be possible you saw Nicole Richie walk into a Starbucks once. Kinda looked like her from behind. She wears sweatpants with words on the butt, right?
News flash: I’m not a paparazzo, ergo I’m not chilling outside Beverly Hills otolaryngologists’ offices waiting for celebrities in my spare time.
10. Even though you suspect they’re objectively disgusting, you have a soft spot in your heart for Dodger dogs.
11. You have had heated discussions about where to get the best tacos.
13. You dislike the sightseeing section of Hollywood Boulevard not because it’s a tourist trap, but because you know half of those costume nutballs are dangerous maniacs.
You could at least put a little effort into your costume, you purple hack.
14. The numbers “101” and “405” fill you with a sense of dread.
15. You have a lot of feelings about this billboard:
16. As a child, you learned the importance of wearing your seatbelt on the Griffith Park merry-go-round.
The most magical carousel in the world? Dude, maybe.
17. As a teenager, you went to the Griffith Park Observatory to…stargaze. Yeah, that’s it, stargazing, that’s what you did there.
18. You have to assume there’s some other, really terrible Los Angeles people are talking about when they say “Los Angeles isn’t beautiful.”
Or maybe people are walking around our city with their eyes closed?