For people with a vagina, there is no quicker path to ecstasy than vaginal penetration, according to Hollywood.
Some people allege that there is a "clitoris" that "is a highly sensitive part of the vulva" and "contains thousands of nerve endings." These are generally the same people who say "it may take more than 30 seconds for a person with a vagina to climax" and "people with vaginas often enjoy a variety of sex acts as much as or more than penetration." But those people apparently don't make movies, because let me tell you, movies would be longer and way more boring and so much less sexy! Bullet dodged, and I mean bullet both regular and vibrating.
Here are 14 orgasmic female characters living their best lives; we should all strive to be just like them.
1. Allie Hamilton, The Notebook (2004)
If you think Allie (Rachel McAdams) looks deliriously happy at the exact moment of penile insertion, you should know that she is, in fact, already moaning with pleasure as her rugged gentleman friend carries her up the stairs. Maybe she's anticipating that once he places her on the bed, he will be kind enough to initiate intercourse without making her wait as he does other distracting sex stuff no one really likes or wants. What a lucky lady.
2. Sarah Connor, The Terminator (1984)
Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) may only have one night of passion with her time-traveling beau, so she skips right to the important part. It is always extremely enjoyable, and doing any other sexual activities would make this all less pleasurable. Why vary the things you do?
3. Cecilia Tallis, Atonement (2007)
As those who watched The Princess Diaries know, the "foot pop" is the indicator of a really good kiss: Your foot pops up behind you gracefully, but you're propped against a handsome man. If he's a good kisser, you won't lose your balance. Here, Cecilia (Keira Knightley) demonstrates a variation of the foot pop, which is that when someone puts his dick in you while you've got your back against a bookshelf and your foot comes out of its shoe, that's how you know you're enjoying yourself.
4. Katharine Clifton, The English Patient (1996)
László (Ralph Fiennes) puts his hand up his paramour's skirt. She (Kristin Scott Thomas) clearly enjoys that, so László, following simple logic, realizes that he should replace his finger with something else she'd enjoy more. He moves his finger to her face, where she really wants it to be. This is called "reading your partner's body language."
5. Viola De Lesseps, Shakespeare in Love (1998)
6. Ricki, Gigli (2003)
Ricki (Jennifer Lopez) is a lesbian, so naturally she would want to skip over all other sex options and go right to having human male genital flesh inside her. As a lesbian, she's probably super bored of all the other things she does with female sex partners. What a snoozefest! She came here for real live American D, not the so-called "sex" she can have with her girlfriend at home! Gigli (Ben Affleck) is also into it.
7. Illeana Scott, Taking Lives (2004)
8. Connie Sumner, Unfaithful (2002)
Who among us has not longed for an incredibly brief sexual encounter in a bathroom stall? Connie (Diane Lane) lives every woman's dream, which, to reiterate, is to have a penis thrust quickly into her for a few sweaty minutes as she is being held up against a bathroom stall.
9. Diana Murphy, Indecent Proposal (1993)
10. Roxane, Alexander (2004)
11. Terry, On the Road (2012)
12. Eve, Crank (2006)
In this film, which made more than $27 million at the U.S. box office, Chev (Jason Statham) has to keep his adrenaline up or else a poison will kill him. He starts to sexually assault Eve (Amy Smart) in the middle of a crowd of onlookers to keep his adrenaline up, and she is pretty upset about it, but as soon as genitals are in genitals she begins to climax, because his penis is magic.
13. Alex Forrest, Fatal Attraction (1987)
Perhaps those of us who have never known what it is to have Michael Douglas between our legs cannot truly understand the instantaneous bliss on Alex Forrest's (Glenn Close) face. No wonder she stalks him after this. What kind of lady wouldn't want to keep looking at Michael Douglas's "my penis is in you now" face for the rest of her life? If you don't want a stalker, don't be so good at sex, Michael Douglas.
14. Queen Gorgo, 300 (2007)
Let's all take a moment to feel thankful that we don't see more hard-to-please freaks like Amélie on screen.
