17 Things Latin Nerds Know To Be True

That’s the gospel veritas.

1. Although “declension” and “clench” are not etymogically related, you know they’re related.

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2. While your friends in other language classes are learning the vocabulary for “family,” you are learning the vocabulary for “losing your entire family as you flee a city the enemy soldiers have set on fire.”

Federico Barocci / Via en.wikipedia.org
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3. You’re not sure whether you feel comfortable saying “so” without a subsequent “that.”

I don’t *KNOW* why I’m so serious

that I think about these things.

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4. Someone in your elementary Latin class wanted to be called “Magnus.” It was a little weird.

OK, bro.

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5. Aqueducts are glorious.

They take your breath away.

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6. It was exquisitely painful to find out you should have been memorizing those supine forms all along, but your asshole Latin teacher didn’t bother to tell you.

THE WORST, amirite, Laocoön?

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7. J.K. Rowling is doing a lot for your street cred.

LOL, “your street cred.”

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8. Monks are jerks.

Adrian Pingstone / Via en.wikipedia.org

Fine, you don’t really feel that way.

But honestly, monks, what the hell with this?!

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9. He’s Vergil in public and Vergilius when you’re alone with a copy of the Aeneid and your dog-eared dictionary.

A. Hunter Wright / Via en.wikipedia.org


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10. It’s bewildering when an older person conjugates “amo, amare” for you. Why did this person feel compelled to conjugate?


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11. Some people think of punctuation as a hassle, but you think of it as a luxury.

No, the majesty of the humble comma is not lost on you.

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12. Ditto spacing.

Sebastià Giralt / Via Flickr: sebastiagiralt

I don’t take word spacing for granted, and neither should you. Don’t even get me started on lowercase letters.

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13. You cringe a little when people say “per se.”

“Common usage” can be quite brutal.

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14. Oh, cool, another person just told you you’ll be able to talk to the pope.

Risible. And no, I’m not talking about your joke.

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15. You have an opinion about Caesar as a writer, and it is not a very high one.

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16. I’m sorry, what did you say? Ellipsis?

Gary Leeming / Via Flickr: grazulis
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17. Scores of people will ask you why you study “a dead language.”

The answer to this question is simple: Latin is not dead to me, doofus.

Or should I say doofe?

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