• 1. I CAN’T FIND THE GAME

    So I searched for it on Facebook, no dice. I thought that I had found it when it said “FISHVILLE: GAME”, but apparently that’s not actually Fishville. I did, however, find lots of fan pages telling me that they will send me cheats if I give them my credit card number. (I found it via Google, eventually.)

  • 2. Suddenly, pop ups: HUNDREDS OF THEM.

    Inevitably, you’re going to get bored of watching fish swim in circles, and alt tab to do more important things. When I came back 20 seconds later, there were pop ups. MANY OF THEM. They kind of piled up on top of each other, and I had to click ‘ignore’ and ‘skip’ a million times to get rid of them.

  • 3. All of the cool stuff costs real money

    So the fish are lame and I got bored pretty damn fast. I decided to click the “shop” button and see what I could find. Turtles? Sea horses? AWESOME. Oh, wait. That sea horse is going to cost me 5 dollars, and will be dead in a week. No thanks.

  • 4. It keeps telling me to be social

    I’m not playing this game to talk to my friends, I’m playing it to avoid the outside world. Every time I do anything, it pops up telling me to share it with my friends, or get neighbors or some crap like that. Neighbor fish tanks? How does that even work? Is this just some warehouse full of fish tanks, or do we all live in the same house? I don’t get it.

  • 5. You do NOTHING.

    You feed your fish, you sell them, you buy more fish, you feed them. That’s IT. There’s NOTHING MORE. It’s a never ending cycle of monotonous mouse clicking. Is this really supposed to be fun?

  • 6. Verdict: GET A REAL FISH THIS GAME IS TERRIBLE.

    Axolotl are a wonderful alternative to this horrid ‘game’.