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61 Thoughts We All Have When Getting A Budget Massage

Don’t even try to tell me to relax.

1. My back is killing me.
2. Why do I carry all of the tension in my back?
3. Even though it’s just my back, I kinda want a full-body massage.
4. Okay, and no one has touched my body in a while, so there’s that.
5. $50?!
6. You’re telling me that’s the cheapest massage I can get for an hour?
7. Whatever, I’m just doing me. :-0
8. Where are we going?
9. Um, how is it that all of the “rooms” are separated by curtains…
10. Did I just see someone else’s bare ass?!
11. Omg, I did.
12. Will they be able to see me?!
13. “Take off your clothes,” she said.
14. She didn’t mean all of my clothes, right?
15. Okay, everything but bra and underwear.
16. Nevermind. Bye, bra.

17. Alright. So I’m kinda naked and am lying face down.
18. TG this towel is covering most of my body.
19. As long as she doesn’t move the towel.
20. Jesus, she moved the towel.
21. We’re still okay. Phew. We’re still okay. #fullcoverage
22. I really hope she scratches my head.
23. Like I almost only want her to scratch my head.
24. Is it bad that I almost want a boyfriend only so that someone else can scratch my head?
25. That doesn’t make me a bad person right?
26. Oh no.
27. The towel.
28. THE TOWEL. WHERE’S THE TOWEL?!
29. She ripped away the towel and my dignity.
30. OH NO.
31. OH NO, NOT MY UNDERWEAR.
32. UNDERWEAR, WHERE ARE YOU?!
33. Why is this happening to me?
34. It’s okay. This is relaxing, remember?
35. And now, I’m in my birthday suit.
36. It’s not even my birthday.
37. Why isn’t my birthday every day?

38. And now I’m laughing.
39. Can she hear me through my stifled scream laughs?
40. Ohhhhhkay, did she just climb on top of me?
41. She’s scaling my body like a tall building.
42. The man next to me is snoring.
43. Can he just stop?
44. MAH DUDE, STAHP.
45. I must be at least half-way done at this point.
46. Dear God, her knees are on my scapula.
47. Does that mean my head is in between her legs?
48. Like, honestly, what would happen if I raised my head?
49. This doesn’t happen at Bliss.
50. It feels like she’s punching my cerebellum.
51. Hello?! My motor skills, like CTFD!
52. What’s tomorrow going to be like?
53. She doesn’t even care about me.
54. A bruise is definitely headed my way.
55. Wait, I’m still naked and exposed.
56. Did her hand just…
57. Her hand really did just…
58. OUT OF BOUNDS.
59. Is there a base for what just happened?
60. LOL’ing again.
61. I’m literally paying for this.

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