Reddit User Asks Men’s Rights Activists What To Do About Her Date Rape

Some of the men’s rights posters were surprisingly supportive.

I know, right? Now tell your friends!
Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Activist...
Anna North

Reddit’s “Men’s Rights” subcategory, r/mensrights, doesn’t seem like a terribly friendly place for rape victims — one recurring topic is the supposed inflation of rape statistics. But earlier today, a user identifying herself as a “feMRA” (female men’s rights activist) posted the following question:

A number of users accused throwaway of trolling, assuming she was posting a fake question in the hopes of generating offensive comments and showing, as one Redditor put it, “that MRAs are misogynists and rape apologists.” And some did offer the expected counter-accusations and victim-blaming, especially when throwaway said she’d been raped by someone she knew when she was too drunk to consent. For example:

However, a number of Redditors were more sympathetic:

Throwaway hasn’t responded to our request for comment, so we don’t know what led to her decision to post this question. But raw discussions of rape have something of a history on Reddit — earlier this year, a thread called for rapists to explain their motivations. A number of self-described rapists did post, offering reminders that ordinary-seeming men can commit rape, and raising questions about whether pickup-artist culture could contribute to sexual assault. The thread was disturbing, but it sparked thoughtful discussion both on Reddit and off.

Even r/mensrights itself isn’t a unified front of misogyny. In another thread today, a user posted a photo of a child in a carseat, with the caption “On the way home from the courthouse. All mine now :)” (child custody issues are a major topic for men’s rights activists, many of whom feel family court judges are biased against men). Said one critic, “Cause that’s all that’s important, who wins. Not that the children are the ultimate losers when one parent is marginalized.” And another, “You sound kind of pretentious when you say ‘all mine’. Perhaps some background info is in order. Is there no way to work something out with the mother?”

r/mensrights isn’t going to be a safe space for rape victims anytime soon. But Reddit in general has recently been home to more nuanced and less terrible discussions of sexual assault and gender issues than its reputation would suggest.

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    16 Responses So Far

    • horniman20 thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Win  about 3 months ago
    • Doom's Bride   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Fail  about 3 months ago
    • Miss Andri thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Ew & Trashy  about 5 months ago
    • agh thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Shocking  about 7 months ago
    • buttcheeksunite   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Shocking, Trashy & Fail  about 7 months ago
    • huntanpeck thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Win  about 7 months ago
    • Benjamin Sapiens 7 months ago

      Even overlooking their frequent misogyny, the real problem with MRA’s is that the Men’s Rights movement is fundamentally nothing but a load of self-absorbed whining.  It’s basically a kinder, gentler, more reasonable incarnation of male chauvinism. It’s what happens when guys hear about feminism and say, “Well, I guess some of that kinda makes sense - but why do women hafta make it all about them? Wouldn’t it be better if we focused on the problems we men are facing?” Essentially, Men’s Rights is to feminism what “White Pride” is to Civil Rights.  (Although MRA are admitedly quite a bit less utterly deranged and hateful than “white nationalists” or whatever the hell white supremacists are calling themselves these days.)

    • Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is starting to get hot on Facebook Share It  about 7 months ago
    • janice!   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Fail, WTF & Ew  about 7 months ago
    • lchilese thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
    • RandomPanda 7 months ago

      Honest question: What happens if both of them are drunk? Really, really drunk?

    • jessap   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Fail, Ew & Trashy  about 7 months ago
    • kelseym8 thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Shocking  about 7 months ago
    • HBNole   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Fail  about 7 months ago
    • blondeassassin thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail, Shocking & WTF  about 7 months ago
    • tumblr.com readers just made Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... hotter  about 7 months ago
    • kantdeal   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act...  about 7 months ago
    • jumjimbo 7 months ago

      My guess is she wanted a reaction and got one.

    • erikba   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Trashy & WTF  about 7 months ago
    • IvyJames   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act...  about 7 months ago
    • Dogmusher2002 thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail & WTF  about 7 months ago
    • msmcgee82 thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
    • reddit.com readers just made Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... hotter  about 7 months ago
    • daliad thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
    • Daissy   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Fail & WTF  about 7 months ago
    • Sarah thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
    • berenice thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Shocking  about 7 months ago
    • oliverc2 7 months ago

      I encourage you to visit http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights daily, weekly, hourly. You’ll find the rumors of our being evil monsters mostly over the top. Polls show that we our pretty much representative of the population at large, with women, LGBTQIA members, men of all races and classes, and that often, by and large we support many “feminist” goals. My guess is that most of the time you read someone just viciously excoriating the MRAs, well, they really haven’t visited /r/mensrights, or listened or honored the stories that men have to tell. We have a bell curve of opinions though, from the left and the right, and while we disagree with each other, we strongly support free speech, and strongly believe we are all adults that can discuss difficult topics without needing trigger warnings. There are a lot of interesting discussions going on, come on by, you may find the /r/mensrights is the first social justice forum that treats you like and adult and requires from you, adult, mature, responsible behaviors. It may make you wonder what all the famous pundits have been saying, and maybe have you questioning your heroes. Best wishes,

    • Darkling5499 7 months ago

      i will say, though, that we do appreciate the attention. people get brought in by cherry picked slander pieces like this one, and they stay because they realize that you were full of it :)

    • Darkling5499 7 months ago

      the amount of white knights here is hilarious. her story is a massive reason MRAs exist. both parties were drunk, yet only she was considered to be raped. how is that “equality”? also, a vast, vast majority of the comments in the thread all said the same thing: go to the police. not the internet police, the real police.  /r/mensrights have been “invaded” before by threads like this one. they tend to get edited after the fact to make it look like we’re responding to a completely different question.

    • Trebor 7 months ago

      It always unnerves me to read these. Not only do you realize how fucked up some people on the net are, but you realize how common rape is from the anecdotes in the comments.

    • Trebor thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
    • SteveOnRockLake   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act...  about 7 months ago
    • weezle 7 months ago

      That first responder is so grossly misinformed it puts me into a frothing rage.

    • Dooby Keebler 7 months ago

      I’m thinking you have never paid close attention to reddit before. It’s always been like how you describe it as far as sexism goes. There’s horrible stuff, but there are also perfectly reasonable people. Neither of those things is new at all.

    • Men’s rights activists, I find it stupid. Boys rights activists fine, but men? These bitch ass boys have no right to call themselves, men, what the fuck are they complaining about? We’re men, we get more money, it’s alright if we fuck tones of women we’re not considered sluts, If we’re looking for a job we’ll likely get it over a woman even if we’re least qualified. These bitch made men have nothing to being an activist about. It’s a man’s world.  And before people jump on my case NO, I do not think any of it is fair, however, my point is that its TRUE. Men have nothing to complain about, we don’t have it hard. Fuck out of here, be a real man. Real men take what they have and work with it. Fuck outta here with this bitch nonsense. And if any women were offended I apologise, I’m just here to make a point that men have no room to complain about shit. This type of thing just gets me heated. Ain’t nothing out here but bitch ass boys claiming they’re men now a days.

    • Asphodel 7 months ago

      I find the idea of “men’s rights” absolutely ridiculous. Being a male does not mean your part of some marginalized subculture. Whining about being a white, american, male is just gross.

    • MMR 7 months ago

      I hope this is a made-up incident. What in the hell would be going on with some woman’s head who got raped and didn’t go to the police because of men’s rights? I got raped and did go to the cops and I got treated like shit. This was 20 years ago, and the guy didn’t even spend a day in jail. Imagine my surprise when I found they didn’t formally arrest him because the incident took place at his place. Well, he wasn’t the only one who lived there. His roommate, a female, was a friend of mine (though not for long) and she was the only one I went there to see. He knew I was coming over so he talked her into leaving. All the cops wanted to hear is that I was at the apartment and he was there—so they assumed I was some slut (because all women are sluts, ya know) who was (drumroll please) ASKING FOR IT!!!! Since the guy also had some history of mental illness, they took pity on him and let him go. So, I play the world’s tiniest violin for men’s rights. I was a virgin before my rape. The guy stalked me and made my life hell. You know what “protective orders” did for a victim—especially 20 years ago? Nothing. Not a damned thing. This guy even beat up some guy that I had given a ride somewhere and beat up another guy friend of mine. Pretty good technique for isolating your victim. I was scared to death to talk to anyone in public because that’s all it took for those 2 incidents. This went on for a year. Too bad caller ID wasn’t available in my area at that time because he did a lot of harrassing calls, too. (I thought of dumping my phone line and getting a new number but it was my parent’s phone as I was a commuter and it wasn’t up to me. I would just hang up as soon as I heard his voice. I still think that actually was one thing that made him give up on harassing me. That, and he would hang up if another family member picked up. This didn’t happen much because one thing stalkers do rather well is to figure out your schedule.) Some great first year of college. I could go on and on, but the rape iteself was nothing compared to what happened to me from the system. The idea of not going to the cops—and knowing you’ll have it better than I did—I really just can’t believe anyone would be that dumb.  Hmmm. I just looked over the length of my rant. I’ve forgiven; it’s been over 20 years, and I’m not mad—I’m just—well, damn. I’m just so disappointed at the thought that any woman could be spared the severity and indignity of my situation. The system is getting better for women because it’s been so unfair. Double standards are still alive and they’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

    • kefkai 7 months ago

      Uh, this post essentially is saying that not all Men’s rights activists are bad, well no shit. Not all Women’s rights activists are as the internet likes to put it “feminazis”. And yes, rape statistics are inflated on both sides, alcohol causes poor judgement, and should only be consumed in mass in the company of people you trust.  That said, what do you think men’s rights is actually about? Men very rarely report their own rapes, and if they do and it’s a woman or if they’re abused and it’s a woman don’t expect the police to do much about it. Or how about if a wife decides to divorce her husband and wants her child and maybe she’s an unfit mother (especially if she was abusive to her ex-husband), the child will still probably go to her. How about reading up on what issues Men’s rights activists are interested in before writing it off as misogyny?

    • Fuhrmann thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Shocking  about 7 months ago
    • mariath 7 months ago

      Sattelite Jane: If you really think Reddit is free of sexism and rape culture, you haven’t been to reddit enough. I’ve been a redditor for almost two years, now, and I’ve unsubscribed from most of the major subreddits exactly because of that.  Try to raise the subject of male-on-female rape. You’ll be reminded that “men are raped waaaay more than women” (bent statistics), that whenever a woman says she was raped, she’s “just someone who had sex and regretted afterwards”, or that “being falsely accused of rape is as bad or worst than actually being raped.” Seriously, you seem to have a very naive view of the big Reddit. My guess is, you only see the funny pictures and never reads the comments.

    • JasperDear   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... and thinks it’s Sleazy  about 7 months ago
    • JasperDear 7 months ago

      I don’t think I can accurately put into words how much MRAs piss me off, especially since most of them are whiney, straight cis men who suffer nice guy complexes that just piss and moan and don’t actually do anything to benefit helping mens issues

    • SatelliteJane 7 months ago
       

      > Reddit in general has recently been home to more nuanced and less terrible discussions of sexual assault and gender issues than its reputation would suggest
      No, it hasn’t. Just because you managed to find three ppl who aren’t assholes, doesn’t mean that Reddit isn’t an overall horrible, pusfilled cesspool. Point in case: Reddit is such a vile place, that when someone finds three posts that aren’t disgusting, it’s such a rare find that it gets posted on Buzzfeed.

      winner
    • sunsfever83   Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act...  about 7 months ago
    • NoraVH thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is WTF  about 7 months ago
    • kristenf3 thinks Reddit User Asks Men's Rights Act... is Fail  about 7 months ago
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