1. Stay out of high-traffic areas.
Deadspin reports [NSFW] that a couple had sex for about three innings in a bathroom near the left-field bleachers at Saturday’s Yankees-Rays game. Bystanders took photos and video — says one witness, “there was a brief time where people were legitimately jockeying for position outside the stall to take pics either over or under, and even standing up on the toilet bowl on the neighboring stall.” Until spectators started yelling, the couple was apparently unaware they were being observed.
2. Avoid compounding the problem by shoplifting.
Just this August, Julian Call, 22, and Tina Gianakon, 35, were arrested for groping each other under their clothes in front of staff and customers at a Kansas Walmart. They had also stolen a bottle of lube, in addition to other merchandise. The pair were apparently sober.
3. Don’t do it right in front of a restaurant.
Erica Huerta, 21, and Steven Perry, 22, were arrested in 2011 for having sex on a Florida beach in front of at least 50 bystanders. They were a mere 100 feet from a local restaurant, and were allegedly drunk.
4. Stick to good old-fashioned theater-hopping.
Claude Lamar Harris Jr., 31, and Angela Prater Veale, 43, were arrested in June for having sex in a Georgia movie theater. They did have tickets, although for a different movie than the one playing at the time.
5. Avoid public transportation.
In December 2011, an unidentified couple were caught [link somewhat NSFW due to extremely poor pixellation job] having sex on a Toronto subway train. After they were kicked off the train, they continued having sex on the platform and were eventually arrested. Their choice of location was especially unfortunate for others, since they caused a train delay of 14 minutes. After the incident, Toronto Transit Commission spokesman Brad Ross offered this good advice for everyone: “I’d suggest to people, if they are deeply in love, that they find a more appropriate venue.”
6. Have a good excuse ready.
Merrie Killian and Erich Wiedmann, both 49, were arrested for having sex in a public pool in East Naples, Florida this August. When they were caught, he claimed to be a nudist, while she said she was simply swimming laps.
7. Learn from experience.
Dylan Trask Whelden, 35, was arrested in August for having sex with a woman on a soccer field in Hilo, Hawaii. He’d also been arrested in July for having sex on a sidewalk in Kona, Hawaii, with a different woman.
8. Also, don’t encourage people to have sex in public.
In 2002, Loretta Lynn Harper, 35, and Brian Florence, 37, were arrested for having sex right in front of worshippers at New York’s St. Patrick’s Cathedral. They were competing in a radio contest that offered a prize to the couple who had sex in the riskiest place. Comedian Paul Mercurio, who had been providing color commentary of the church sex, was also arrested, for “acting in concert with public lewdness.” Asked if it was all worth it, Florence said, “Not really.”
9. Watch out for security cameras.
In March, a couple was arrested for having sex in the World War II theater at the History Museum in Lincoln, Nebraska. In addition to being kind of disrespectful, this was also ill-advised: the theater was monitored by security cameras, making it easy for museum staff to catch them.
10. In some instances, you might as well finish.
According to Metro, an Australian couple were arrested when they were caught having sex in a stolen car at a gas station. They apparently “refused to stop having sex when asked” — because once you’ve been caught having sex in a stolen car, you don’t have that much to lose.
NOTE: BuzzFeed Shift does not condone having sex in public places.