How I Lost My Virginity, In GIFs

I was a virgin for 25 years, and then I wasn’t anymore. Here’s how it went.

1. For the first 25 and a half years of my life, I was

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2. But for a long time

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3. Because I wasn’t like

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4. I was more like

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5. I wasn’t about to lose my virginity at prom, because, uh…

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6. And when it got to the point that I was “too old” to be a virgin without having some kind of weird “sex hangup,” I would try to cover it up by being like

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7. As if that didn’t make it more obvious.

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8. Before going to some lame dorm party in college,

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9. I’d put on a tight green American Apparel U-neck dress that I hoped would entice some guy to put it in me for a second. Which would be long enough for me to feel comfortable talking about it brunch, rather than feeling like

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10. So I would walk into the party like

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11. and then go up to some guy with a plaid flannel on and be all

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12. but then he’d always turn out to be an Adderall dealer or an objectivist or something

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13. and I’d be like

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14. Of course, there were one or two guys who made me

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15. and there was some

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16. but they were ultimately like

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18. As is often the case,

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19. So eventually I was like, fuck this, and screamed into the ether:

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21. My friends all responded differently:

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People from high school.

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My best male friends.

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My best female friends.

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Guys I’d hooked up with before.

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26. And naturally, after I told people and stopped worrying too much about it,

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27. And everyone was like

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28. and I was like

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29. Le fin.

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