6. And when it got to the point that I was “too old” to be a virgin without having some kind of weird “sex hangup,” I would try to cover it up by being like
9. I’d put on a tight green American Apparel U-neck dress that I hoped would entice some guy to put it in me for a second. Which would be long enough for me to feel comfortable talking about it brunch, rather than feeling like
12. but then he’d always turn out to be an Adderall dealer or an objectivist or something
14. Of course, there were one or two guys who made me
19. So eventually I was like, fuck this, and screamed into the ether:
21. My friends all responded differently:
26. And naturally, after I told people and stopped worrying too much about it,
29. Le fin.
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