Quiz

BuzzFeed Staff

Animals

We Know Why Your Cat Will Kill You

You…you lucky bastard. What so many others would give to be selected as one of the chosen ones. When the sacrificial altar is finally erected, heralding a new age of cat domination, be humbled in knowing your life was not completely worthless. Your body may burn, but it will burn in the name of long-awaited cat domination.

You were deigned a candidate for glorious cat sacrifice

Despite their reputation, cats are very patient and forgiving creatures. That dead mouse they brought you? They were teaching you how to properly bestow boons upon your ruler (such gracious creatures). But you were too selfish and imbecilic to realize it, and now your death shall be slow and painful as a reflection of your failure.

You didn't pay your cat proper tidings as your Supreme Ruler

Oh, excuse me, did you think that was your home? Foolish human. For every time you told your cat to get off their counter, you shall be pierced fourscore times through the heart, and deservedly so.

You blatantly disrespected your cat in their domain

You thought you could just reach your claws into a cat’s fur as if they were some base beast? YOU FOOL. You have ignored the laws governing this world, and now you shall be banished from it forever...in death.

You thought you could touch your cat without permission

Kibble? Fancy Feast? Are you fucking serious? Your cat isn’t some lesser being who deserves to eat gelatinous goop scooped into a cracked dish on the floor. Your cat is a god. YOU SHALL SUFFER.

You failed to give your cat the finest food on earth

Did you honestly think you were worthy of meeting your cat’s eyes? Pathetic human. Whenever you feel a cat tilting their gaze in your direction, you must immediately press your face to the floor and grovel because you are their loyal subject and that's what humble servants do. You have failed, so you shall meet a terrible end for being a terrible person.

You made direct eye contact with your cat so now you'll die

About BuzzFeed Community

Community Brand Guidelines

BuzzFeed Community

Sorry, this content is <i>no longer</i> supported.

BuzzFeed Community Guidelines

BuzzFeed Community Leaderboard

BuzzFeed News has breaking stories and original reporting on politics, world news, social media, viral trends, health, science, technology, entertainment, and LGBTQ issues.

All the best animals on the internet. The snuggle is real.

BuzzFeed has breaking news, vital journalism, quizzes, videos, celeb news, Tasty food videos, recipes, DIY hacks, and all the trending buzz you’ll want to share with your friends. Copyright BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.

BuzzFeed News | Breaking News | Original Reporting | News Analysis

Animal Pictures and Videos - Adorably from BuzzFeed

Name

Thanks for subscribing!

Stay up to date with our latest BuzzFeed video. Enter your email to subscribe!

Oops! Upload an image or add text to submit.

BuzzFeed has the hottest, most social content on the web. We feature breaking buzz and the kinds of things you'd want to pass along to your friends.

We Know Why Your Cat Will Kill You

Share This Article