The world will have you believe shopping is a fun, enjoyable activity. Sometimes it is.
I mean, who doesn't love buying new things?
But let's be honest with ourselves. Trying on clothes sucks 99% of the time. For all of us.
Even the tall and model-thin among us have fit issues.
Like trying to find pants that aren't five inches too short.
And tops that are long enough but not completely baggy.
Short people have the opposite problem. Like finding pants that don't give you unsightly "flippers" that you'll have to spend money to hem.
And trying on something that's just too long-sleeved.
Oh and about that top — yeah, that's a dress on you.
And for the girls with big boobs that want little boobs, and vice versa, good news! Both suck!
Good luck fitting your ample chest into something that fits you everywhere else.
Or trying to fill out something that was clearly meant for a girl with breasts.
And while we're on the topic of lady lumps, butts also ruin everything.
Like when yours is big and makes the back of your skirt inches shorter than the front.
Or creates that annoying gaping waistband that's like a vortex into your jeans.
Or when jeans fit in the thighs but are too loose or tight everywhere else.
Basically, jeans are kind of the worst.
At least there are accessories. Those fit all of us equally, right?
Feet are essentially like thumbprints — each person has a completely different set.
And your arches. They are inadequate.
They're either too high, too low, too arched, or completely flat.
Basically, everything that makes you special also makes it hard to shop.
But all of these problems make it that much more satisfying when you DO find the perfect thing in the perfect fit.
Now, if only you can exhibit some restraint.
