9 Completely Pointless Infomercial Products That Promise To Make You More Beautiful

Or just keep your shoes clean and your boobs big.

1. NeverWet

NeverWet is a seemingly magical spray that claims to completely repel liquid from any surface.

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How liberating it would feel to just douse yourself in soda?

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2. Hot Ponez

This is basically just six hair ties in one. But you better be a professional hairdresser if you plan to use one because it’s not easy.

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I have a hard enough time doing a basic braid.

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3. Stretch Genie

Stretch Genie stretches shoes. It’s a combination of spray and what appears to be a version of the thing all cobblers use to stretch shoes: a shoe horn.

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Never trust something with the word “genie” in the name.

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4. Air Curler

For the girl who uses an actual curling iron and thinks, “If only this were somehow easier but less effective.”

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Even the footage proves that product is nothing but a hair dryer with a bucket on the end.

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5. Kymaro Body Shaper

Like Spanx but somehow even less appealing.

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The full-body corset you’ve been waiting for! Conveniently, it will be concealed by none of your clothes.

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6. Tag Away

This product claims to relieve you of bumps and boils “harmlessly” and “without pain.”

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I don’t think I want bits of flesh “falling away” from my body, thanks.

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7. Easy Curves

This is kind of like the Shake Weight. Only possibly more pointless.

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Great for the women who’s more bored than you can possibly imagine.

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8. Bust Up Cups

Don’t let the fancy CGI demo fool you — these are just bra pads.

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Guaranteed to boost one’s overall sassiness, if nothing else.

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9. Ahh Bra

The bra designed to banish muffin top of the back. Sexy!

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It’s basically just a sports bra that you can’t workout in.

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So are you feeling inspired to buy one of these modern miracles?

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