You seem to be under the impression the English language is some kind of unchanging galactic constant from which American English has deviated, when it’s actually a language undergoing constant evolution; a mongrel of a language influenced by Anglo-Saxon, Latin, Norman-French and countless others. In fact the changing nature of language is basically a pre-requisite to it’s existence. If words that “came from” another word never changed, then language would be unable to develop and we’d all just be grunting and gesturing. All that said, arse is a fantastic word.

What the hell is with all the red fucking trousers?

You missed out the compost toilet, which composts your shit into safe nutritious plant food, negating the chemical decontamination and environmental cost of flushing millions of tonnes of nitrogen into the ocean. “Humanure is not sewage that has been processed by waste-treatment facilities, which may include waste from industrial and other sources; rather, it is the combination of feces and urine with paper and additional carbon material (such as sawdust). A humanure system, such as a compost toilet, does not require water or electricity, and when properly managed does not smell. A compost toilet collects human excrement which is then added to a hot compost heap together with sawdust and straw or other carbon rich materials, where pathogens are destroyed.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanure#Humanure

Yes, these are all terrible, but it begs the question why you liked any of them in the first place. Were you expect daily words of wisdom from a toilet paper manufacturer?

Watch the whole thing? I skipped through and watched 5 seconds every minute and it was too much. No kid has that much fake enthusiasm without some seriously shitty high pressure parents.

My brain is also totally failing to process what the hell I’m watching, I just know that some part of me is dying for every second I don’t click pause.

Um… “on speed”? Seriously? Does that not mean the same thing in the US as in the UK? Because most of these will sound just as shitty when high on amphetamines as they do stone cold sober.

While I would expect promotional images from a camera-advert-as-buzzfeed-post to be totally retouched to high hell, flipping an image doesn’t really count as “fake”.

To be fair, though, if they’re real shots by real people (not Samsung promotional shots) then they’re a-ok.