1. A plant will NEVER challenge your beliefs.
It’s not that they know those interactions are unpleasant. It’s that they’re just plants.
2. Most plants are not angry drunks.
3. Plants don’t have ears and are therefore unable to insult your taste in music.
People definitely will.
4. Plants aren’t film snobs. They won’t personally attack you for liking a movie they hate.
Because they aren’t physically capable of watching movies.
5. Or your favorite book—in fact, plants are proud illiterates.
You won’t get any bad recommendations from your bamboo palm.
6. It’s all but guaranteed that you’ll never walk in on a begonia flirting with your ex.
7. A game of Monopoly will never spin wildly out of control with a plant.
You probably wouldn’t even be able to get a game started with one.
8. When’s the last time you worried about your plant eating YOUR leftovers?
9. A plant will never pester you about going out more because a plant can’t even move.
10. A plant wouldn’t even know how to begin to talk about you behind your back.
They can’t talk at all.
11. A poinsettia will never offend your cooking because a poinsettia is incapable of consuming human food.
12. A plant is not going to let you down in a time of dire need.
13. You really don’t have to worry about your plant standing you up for a date.
In fact, it would be truly frightening if your plant were to make its way to the movie you’re attending.
14. A plant will not borrow your things and not return them.
15. If some jerk cuts you off on your way to work, you can bet that it wasn’t a plant.
Plants are not angry drivers.
16. If you step on dog poop in the middle of the sidewalk, odds are it wasn’t a plant that left it there.
Not only are plants immobile, but they can’t own dogs either.
17. A plant will never pester you about texting them back.
You’re not likely to find one that even owns a cell phone.
18. A plant won’t set impossible standards and hold unrealistic expectations of you.
It just wants water.
19. A plant won’t catcall you from a moving vehicle.
Only human men do that. #NotAllPlants
20. A plant will never forget to water all of your plants when you go out of town.
That is far too much responsibility to give to a plant.