1. Is this a Weezy vid?!
At the beginning of the video, it looks like some generic video vixen with daddy issues is trying to sex it up with a bodycon-esque swimsuit and 6 inch heels. This could easily be the beginning for any other video for Lil Wayne, Pitbull, etc.
2. Is that … ?!
Once you get a good close up, though, BAM! It’s Nicki. “That’s not her,” you scream in disbelief, “that bitch has green/pink/leopard hair!”
3. Ahh, okay. That’s definitely her.
All skepticism is erased once the camera does a nice little swoop under her most recognizable feature: that donkey.
4. But she looks not-crazy …
Let’s face it: mama looks awesome. The hair is perfect, the makeup is so subdued it’s nearly invisible, and that outfit would look good on about .0038% of the populace.
5. But she’s not cartoonish …
Looks like The Kid has grown out of her anime phase, because this picture is 100% American sex appeal. Whether she’s trying to distance herself from her pop star persona or trying to shed her leagues of preteen fans one thing is for sure: this woman is HOT.
6. I think I need a tissue …
That stare alone could launch a million little pocket rockets into orbit. When you add the arched back, dripping wet hair and butt cleavage it’s almost too much sexy for the world to handle.
7. Can I brush your hair?
I’m not a big fan of black women with blonde hair; I feel like it’s a product of Western civilization’s long history of telling non-whites that the only way they can be accepted into “civilized” society is to acclimate to the caucasian culture by dropping ties with their own. I think nothing is more beautiful than a dark-skinned African-American woman with a perfectly coiffed afro or some tight-ass braids.
That being said, Nicki can pull off bleach blonde better than Pam Anderson during the peak of her Playboy days.
8. *Jaw Drop*
Nicki Minaj + Corset + Antiqued Lace = OHMYGOD. The funniest part about this is that she’s more covered than most lingerie models, but still ends up having more sex appeal than the top 5 VS Angels combined. The look in her eyes says, “Touch me and I’ll cut you,” yet you still wouldn’t mind an ER visit just to try your chances.
9. Ginyu Body Change
The world would obviously be more awesome if we lived in the DBZ universe, but another wonderful perk would be an opportunity to swap bodies with that lucky son of a bitch Lil Wayne at this exact moment. Sigh Why do great girls always fall for the douchenozzles?
10. Oh COME ON …
Behold: the power of Nicki’s bootay. Wayne has seen that donk more times than Gary Busey’s had meltdowns, and he’s STILL mesmerized. Stop doing this to yourself, Nicki. He’s just going to give you another STD and then hop over to impregnate some other bitch! Some girls never learn …
11. I want that dress …
Let’s face it: that dress is amazeballs. A good 94% of everything she’s ever worn has been so outlandish, so over-the top, so UGLY, that no one in their right mind would even consider copying her style. I hope this is a preview of a new stage in the Queen of Rap’s fashion evolution, because she finally looks like the hip hop diva we all know she is.
12. Is that an actual smile?!
I don’t know if you all have noticed, but Nicki doesn’t really smile a lot; I mean REALLY smile. Sure, she plays the fake smile pretty well and it fools most people, but those with a little more knowledge know it’s all a front. She’s spent too much of her career throwing up a mask and I think she finally realized we were all over it. In this video she looks so natural and in her element, but most of all happy.
13. And Finally: My Favorite Moment
This part of the video is barely 2 seconds long, but I believe it holds more power in that brief time than any other part of the video. This image transcends the video and even Nicki herself. She looks as though she’s taking her first breath of life, but simultaneously holds a lifetime’s transgressions behind her closed eyes. Her head is tilted in thanks for her blessings and mistakes, but also to ask for strength for the future. Her plump lips are parted as though she’s ready to speak, but she stops herself and clinches her teeth out of fear for how her words will be received or contorted into some farce.
Or it looks like she’s about to drop a deuce. Either way, baby girl looks angelic and flawless.