1. Non-stop weather coverage breaks into your regularly scheduled date with Jeopardy!
2. Public transport ceases to function.
You’re leaving your car at home so the plows can do their jobs? That’s great. There’s a delay on the red line, by the way. Hope you didn’t want to get to work.
3. Everyone immediately forgets how to drive.
4. There is inevitably a run on bread, milk and eggs at the grocery store.
Followed shortly by all the humblebraggers who make sure you know how terrible it is that they stood in line for fifteen minutes just to buy green tea and arugula.
5. Show shovel mark ups.
This is a real thing that happens.
6. People break out some ridiculous parking spot savers.
And then you get to read the accompanying news story about all the ridiculous parking spot savers.
8. Aisle-spanning lines form at the liquor store.
Okay. This one makes sense.
9. Local channels air press conferences featuring representatives from agencies you didn’t know existed.
A state highway administrator is a thing?
10. Your friends speculate constantly about whether or not schools and offices will close.
11. Snow emergencies are declared. Good luck ever finding a spot on the street.
12. Everyone you know gets off work. Except you. Obviously.
13. A reporter attempts to illustrate the type of snow that has fallen by making a snow ball or dusting off a car.
14. The interwebs explode with basic knowledge articles about “how to survive the storm.”
“If you think you’re having a heart attack while shoveling, stop shoveling.”