1. “Do you do anything besides sleep all day?”
2. “Am I allowed to pet you now?”
How many belly rubs before you bite the shit out of me?
3. “What the hell are you doing in the sink?”
Did you forget where the water comes from? Again.
4. “What the fuck are you doing?!”
5. “I thought cats were supposed to be smart…”
6. “You want to come inside?! But I just let you outside!”
Fine, fine! OMG please stop.
7. “Aren’t cats supposed to be graceful?”
8. “Do I even want to know what happened?”
9. “No, really, why did Ancient Egyptians worship you guys?”
You are SO weird.
10. “Can you stop fucking with the dog?”
I think he’s starting to get a complex.
11. “You know, I was reading that.”
12. “Are you ever nice to anyone?!”
13. “If you don’t stop scratching the door, so help me god!”
It’s 3 in the morning! I’ll let you out later!
14. “OH MY GOD. I CAN’T EVEN.”
What the hell is wrong with you?!
15. “First off, how the hell did you get in there? Second, how long were you in there?!”
Since I left for work?!
16. “Can you please stop chewing all of my nice things?”
I know you don’t understand (or care about) money but those cost a lot.
17. “Do you think you could eat your food and not make a huge mess?”
Every day. Every damn day with you, cat.
18. “Will anything I ever do be enough for you?”
19. “Were you born an asshole? Cause I sure as hell didn’t raise you to be this way.”
20. Are you comfortable there?
Because you being comfortable really is what matters.
21. “Please, for the love of god, get down from there!”
Why do you love breaking all of my things?
22. “Why are you so obsessed with that box?”
You do realize you don’t fit in there, right?