Why Things End Up On Sale

It’s that time of year when everything ever sold in a store is on sale. A lot of the time when things end up on sale, there is a pretty obvious reason!

1. Because they make your wrists look like they’ve grown really long, unattractive hair.

I’m talking wrist MANES.

Fringe leather gloves final sale at Pixie Market; were $153, now $75.

2. Because “classy ravers” don’t exist in real life.

Now, if these were sequined smiley-face JNCOs, that’d be another story….

Trousers from Topshop; were $315, now $75.

3. Because they make about as much sense as a see-through crop top with a chambray pocket.

I can’t think of a “reason” for this but open to them if you care to add one to comments.

Chambray mesh crop top final sale at Pixie Market; was $112, now $60.

4. And other things go on sale because they’re essentially politically incorrect bathrobes.

Or couch throws with a sash.

Armani Collezioni real rabbit fur-trimmed sweater coat available at Saks; was $2495.00, now $998.50.

5. And these sale shoes might make your feet look like headless, matted puppies.

“Fleamadonna” available at Opening Ceremony; was $225, now $113.

While these shoes might not even get you through the front door.

This pair of completely unwearable and unwalkable Jeffrey Campbells are available from Solestruck; were $174.95, now $149.95.

6. Some acid wash jorts end up on sale because they look like they have an outer diaper.

As if the acid wash effect wasn’t “enough.”

Bernhard Willhelm worker and acid shorts available at Opening Ceremony; were $550, now $165.

7. And this dress might be on sale because it will give you distinct @ tan lines.

Connected cutout dress final sale at Nasty Gal; was $138, now $41.40.

8. These “shorts” perhaps because they were not correctly categorized as underpants or “Halloween Only.”

Sequin zip shorts final sale at Nasty Gal; were $115, now $40.

9. This cardigan because fur probably shouldn’t look like it’s “sprouting.”

Faux fur and crystal embellished cardigan available from Net-a-Porter; was $2900, now $1740.

10. Note to retailers everywhere: the world is not ready for Skirt Jeans.

Get these tiered skirt jeans from Karmaloop; was $126, now $62.

11. Another reason things hit the sale rack? They turn your armpits into braid-able objects of wonder, confusion.

Fringed leather jacket available at ASOS; was $228.67, now $137.20.

12. Or they turn you into the Southwestern-accent-wearing housewife you’re going to be in 30 years.

This Just Cavalli Wild-West-inspired dress is available from Net-a-Porter; was $990, now $594.

13. Also, we have to have sales because of jumpsuits.

Jumpsuits always end up on sale because jumpsuit goddess J. Lo doesn’t have time to buy all of them.

Liquorish leopard print jumpsuit available at ASOS; was $109.06, now $43.10.

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