1. Oh hai, Versace!
The Italian fashion house presented a collection at Milan Fashion Week Friday that felt like a clear stance on fashion’s biggest “debate” of late: whether people who get attention for simply dressing up flashily and trotting themselves out in front of street style cameras at fashion shows deserve to have followings and influence (or merely a semblance of it) in the industry, even if all they’ve ever done in fashion is start a blog about it. I touched on this in my story about how no new bloggers have managed to become the next Bryanboy in the past year or two, and Suzy Menkes wrote a whole essay about it for the latest issue of T magazine that has pretty much the whole side of the industry that tweets regularly with their panties in a bunch. I think if we look at Donatella’s new collection, we’ll get a clear sense of the side she’s taking.
When you’re as iconic as Donatella, your views matter quite a bit, so let’s get to it.
3. Donatella delivered a powerful narrative about how we are strapped to our loud tee-shirts, as though by a spiked harness.
Literally chained to our ridiculous clothes, risking injury every time we so much as put on a bracelet.
4. Our leather shirts are practically choking us under our bright yellow coats.
Despite this look being for fall, we are DEFINITELY NOT WEARING TIGHTS.
5. We are restricting our breasts in metal bandeau tops, and heightening the discomfort with spiked collars.
6. And that colored fur that is everywhere these days, that no one wants to go anywhere without — IT IS BELTED TO OUR CHESTS!
7. We will wear waterproof outfits in inclement weather, fine.
But we will do it with our open-toed shoes and yellow zebra-leopard coats.
8. We will strap ourselves into our white tube tops (btw welcome back, tube tops), with harnesses that say “50 Shades of Shiny.”
9. We will hold onto our workwear, fine — but it will be no less than this textured.
10. And we won’t go out for an evening without huge screws tucked into our dress, in case we realize that one side of it isn’t shredded enough.
11. Our cocktail attire will be attached with a shiny harness, the way cats are to leashes.
12. And we will wear our leather studded asymmetrical bras outside our clothes.
13. Because this is an age when everyone loves attention and getting it through clothes.
And at the end of the day, it might look crazy, but it is also pretty fucking fabulous.
14. Why disappear in a beige turtleneck and mid skirt when you could wear this?
It’s not like anyone places a premium on comfort these days.
Thanks for being you, Donatella.
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