The 29 Hands Down Most Ridiculous New Outfits For Men

Leave it to the French to host the most brilliantly outlandish fashion shows in the world. Here’s a look at what some designers want men to wear in the spring of 2013, hot off the Paris Men’s Fashion Week runways.

1. These collapsable trash cans.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Or are they latex-coated male model-sized slinkies? They’re probably not ideal for bustling metropolitan settings like New York, but at least if you were feeling fat one day, these are awfully forgiving.

Thom Browne.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Thom Browne.

2. These sparkly fuzzy pants and silver body paint.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

I don’t know why you’d picnic in anything else, really.

Thom Browne.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

One of the rare instances wearing the same thing as your friend is an aesthetically fantastic choice.

Thom Browne.

3. These colorful whale prints.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

In other words, eff you Vineyard Vines!!!

Thom Browne

4. This vest with mirrored whales on it.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Next spring, allow your body to double as a baby nursery mobile.

Thom Browne.

5. These wide-legged high-waisted pants and leather sleeveless top.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

For the man bold enough to wear white pants after Labor Day.

Lanvin.

6. These high-waisted white pants and leather jacket.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

For the man who wants to show Jessica Simpson the right way to belt a pair of pants that ride high enough to offer breast support.

Lanvin.

7. This black sequined jumpsuit.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

For the man with a serious style crush on Selena Gomez.

Pierre Cardin.

8. These suede space cadet suits.

Francois Mori / AP

They might pull a little awkwardly in the front but in the back the slight wedgie look is just right.

Pierre Cardin.

9. This silver jumpsuit with the underpants on the outside.

Francois Mori / AP

Oops, he did it again.

Pierre Cardin.

10. These scary shades and pajamas.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

Those glasses creep me the hell out, but I guess if you’re going to wear your PJs out of the house that might be something you’re going for!

Damir Doma.

11. These rags.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

This is what happens to people forced to sit in a room and watch every episode of the new Snooki and JWOWW show nonstop.

Bernhard Willhelm.

12. This elegant blouse made of patches.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

A new way to keep cool in a tux without looking like you didn’t try.

Martin Margiela.

13. This oversized leopard spot print with manny pack.

Francois Mori / AP

This print is like a yoga class. You can’t help looking at it and thinking, “Is that a cat or a cow?”

Kenzo.

14. This floral embroidered contrast suiting.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Be loud yet pretty at the same time.

John Galliano.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Everything should be layered. EXCEPT…

John Galliano

15. This lobster halter top.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

When she asks how much, you reply, “Market price, bitch!”

John Galliano.

16. This 3D shell suiting.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Now that’s a new way to hide a beer gut.

Bill Gaytten.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

John Galliano.

17. This silky “sex Communion” sweatshirt.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

“I’m going back to my roots,’’ Riccardo Tisci, the Catholic designer who created this ensemble told press. “It’s about Communion, but a sex version of it.’’

Givenchy.

18. This jumpsuit.

Francois Mori / AP

I don’t think anyone would mess with you if you went around like this.

Juun. J.

19. This jumpsuit.

Francois Mori / AP

When you need something for evening.

Juun. J

20. This beak hat.

Francois Mori / AP

This is why Europeans have to cheek kiss.

Kenzo.

21. This black eye makeup.

Francois Mori / AP

A hot fashion-clueless person might rush to your side to try to cure your wounds.

Yohji Yamamoto.

22. This pink eye makeup.

Francois Mori / AP

Don’t forget the clock tattoo where everyone can see it.

Yohji Yamamoto.

23. This bohemian pajama pant-tank top combo.

Francois Mori / AP

I’m betting you’d find a semi-affordable version of this in Anthropologie right now.

Yohji Yamamoto.

24. This “everyone wants to kill me” ruff.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

At least if you go around like this people might think you’ve had a bad enough day already and not try to do it to you again.

Walter Van Beirendonck.

25. This ruff and hat with gender symbols.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

Look like the prize winner from one of those cake baking reality shows.

Walter Van Beirendonck

26. This rope with the lettered gloves.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

You can’t say he’s not modest — the nipples are tucked away.

Walter Van Beirendonck.

27. This coordinating yellow turban and sporty polo.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

“I put on my turban and everything and you’re STILL not ready?”

Jean-Paul Gaultier

28. This black turban and yellow printed jumpsuit.

PIERRE VERDY / Getty Images

Just to mix things up.

Jean-Paul Gaultier.

29. This face dress and pink overcoat.

FRANCOIS GUILLOT / Getty Images

Women have been stealing clothes from their boyfriends for too long. Isn’t it time they stole from their girlfriends too?

Raf Simons.

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