2012shift

So, 2012 Was A Terrible Year For Gluten

The vast majority of the population has no medical reason to shun gluten other than a seemingly fancy way of going “low-carb.” Because it’s not like Atkins is still cool.

1. Gluten is just a simple protein derived from wheat and other grains like barley. But it’s become the year’s most ghettoized protein.

Of course people would find a reason to be against it, because nothing resides in food purgatory quite like carbohydrates do.

2. Gluten-free diets were the big weight-loss fad of 2012.

No one goes around bragging about being on Atkins and gloating about having had bacon eight times in a week while still losing weight these days. Now everyone’s all about gluten-free (and green juice, but that’s a whole other thing). You can now buy all kinds of processed foods that normally contain gluten without gluten thanks to the proliferation of gluten-free eating plans. But remember that gluten-free processed foods are still processed foods and therefore usually not any better for you than their gluten-containing counterparts.

3. The 1% of the population that has celiac disease really needs to cut gluten from their diets.

People with celiac disease experience a host of uncomfortable gastrointestinal issues caused by adverse reactions to gluten in the small intestine. Prescribed gluten-free eating plans are not glamourous for people suffering from celiac disease.

4. But ANOTHER 1% of the population — select celebrities! — are going gluten-free for what seems like purely self-indulgent glamour.

Because when you go gluten-free you can’t have cake, cookies, bread, pasta. In other words, you go LOW-CARB, which makes you skinny. Miley Cyrus, Victoria Beckham, and Gwyneth Paltrow are all about the gluten-free life, according to the Daily Mail, which helpfully cautions that you can still go gluten-free and end up consuming a ton of calories. Like Atkins!

5. Many people believe cutting gluten will improve their skin.

Miley once tweeted: “For everyone calling me anorexic, I have a gluten and lactose allergy. It’s not about weight it’s about health. Gluten is cr@pppp anyway!” And: “Everyone should try no gluten for a week. The change in your skin, physical and mental health is amazing.” People with gluten allergies might develop an acne-like rash on the skin; however, no studies have shown a link between gluten and acne in people whose bodies can tolerate gluten just fine.

6. Naturally, gluten-shunning has spread to Pinterest.

…where you’ll find recipes for everything from gluten-free pimento mac ‘n’ cheese to gluten-free donuts, pancakes, and every other baked good this planet ever came up with.

7. Gluten’s status is probably not helped by the juicing fad.

Juice — all bizarro Jamba Juice–style “boosts” aside — is a friend of gluten’s foes.

8. So if you’re on a gluten-free diet as a way to just go low-carb, won’t you consider letting gluten back into your life?

It’s Christmas cookie season, you fools!

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