See All The Looks From Madonna’s New “Girls Gone Wild” Video

Chains? Check. Men in tights? Check. Kneepads? Obviously! We break down the video look by look.

As always, the Teflon of wrinkles.

To enhance the impact of your plebeian sleeves, attach them to a harness.

At first I thought this was a muffin they were eating, but, well, how little sense would that make? It’s actually an apple.

Proving once again Madonna is not one to run out of things to do with guns, whether they be this kind or the ones on her arms.

With each album Madonna gives us some sort of stylistic theme. The sexy-lady-meets-football-player thing carries over from “Give Me All Your Luvin’” with what are undoubtedly multi-purpose kneepads.

Speaking of, now might be the right time to say: L-U-V MADONNA!!!

Of note throughout: Madonna is not trying to draw attention to herself by wearing excessively loud sparkles, weaves, or inanimate objects as clothing. She doesn’t need to since she’s Madonna, but still — bravo!

Abs in tights!!!

The simplest things have the most impact.

SO THAT’S WHAT MADONNA DID WITH LADY GAGA.

Some men were meant to be rubbed upon.

And some are so hot they can’t resist a naked makeout with themselves.

One difference between Lady Gaga and Madonna: full coverage when in the presence of other semi-naked people.

This just about confirms Madonna’s hair is actually a high-protein, low-fat snack.

Religious imagery you might have missed.

Wouldn’t be the first time Madonna had her way with a big hose. (GET IT? Because she waters her own plants! Hello.)

Who else is trying this makeup look at work tomorrow?

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