A Complete Recap Of Madonna’s MDNA Tour Costumes

She cheers! She strips! She REPRISED THE CONE BRA! These are incredibly important moments in diva fashion history. Let’s review the clothes from the premiere of her tour in Tel Aviv.

1.
JACK GUEZ / Getty Images

Marching band meets cheerleader. Great for stomping the shit out of something.

2.
JACK GUEZ / Getty Images

I’ll let you all leave dirty jokes about the hands/crotch situation going on in this shot in the comments.

3.
JACK GUEZ / Getty Images

This is either serious girl power imagery, OR…

4.
JACK GUEZ / Getty Images

An homage to Madge’s fabulously buff arms, which people keep talking about as though they weren’t there eight years ago. Guys, she’s CHEERING now. Of course those puppies are a little more toned.

5.

Now this is a complicated little leather strappy get-up. I think the harness is perfect for her. When you’re Madonna, a leather harness is like a second skin, whereas on other people a leather harness is like something you need to be drunk or planning to get drunk to pull off.

6.
Ariel Schalit / AP

Is she going to kill whoever ripped the fabric off her breasts? Or whoever didn’t rip off more fabric than that which was covering her breasts?

7.
Ariel Schalit / AP

Do Madonna’s male dancers ever stand a shot at getting to wear shirts these days?

8.

This business outfit with the wide-legged pinstripe pants and tie covered by a cone boob cage is probably my favorite.

9.

Naturally, there is one too many shirts in this picture!

10.

And one too few cone bra reprisals in this one.

11.

By the way, Madonna is 53.

12.

Her son Rocco, who made three appearances in this show, is 11. This is his preist look. Madonna wastes no time getting the men on stage with her into muu muus. Without Cee Lo to back her up this time, the pressure was really on Rocco.

13.

YOGA GYPSIE!!!

14.

She’s all, “yes yes, pelvic thrust, I have the biggest necklace, yes yes ME ME.”

15.

And just in case the people behind her forgot what sort of genetic material sequins are made of (it’s MDNA).

FIN.

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