27 New Rules For Dressing From London

London Fashion Week is known for being wacky in the most awesome way. Let’s see what tips those Brits have for dressing next spring.

1. Underboob is the new sideboob.

Pairs best with shorts that have a matching chiffon overlay.

This look is by a label called, quite perfectly, “MAN.” Can I just say what a pity it is that the images are only easily viewable on NowFashion.com? I mean…

2. The pattern on your socks should match the pattern on your track suit.

Another look by MAN. But this wasn’t the finale…

3. Men need cat tees.

Just like women.

Another rule from here: sheer blouses can be tied around the waist.

4. Draw all over your face.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

And your metallic bra.

Tip via Louise Goldin.

5. Wear opaque glasses, but cut slits in them so you can see a little bit.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

Another suggestion from Louise Goldin’s runway.

6. Wear clear glasses but paint your face a non-flesh color, like mustard.

Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

Add a gray grannie wig for extra drama.

(Tip via Vivienne Westwood.)

7. Wear your pearls asymmetrically.

Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

So you don’t look like an uptight square.

Also from Westwood’s runway.

8. Wear hats that look like a combination of a badminton birdie, umbrella, and a hipster’s hair.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

From the Giles show.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Seeing where you’re going is so last season.

9. Wear fascinators that look like a Saran Wrap sphere for your head.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also from the Giles show.

10. Look like a walking car crash.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also by Giles.

11. Wear python inset with yellow pastel, but only on the armpits.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

I guess this sort of dress is what they call ugly beauty.

Look by Erdem.

12. Make like Kate Middleton Getting Married, and wear lace sleeves.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

But unlike her, you can be sexy about it!

Also from Erdem.

13. Carry your matching fanny pack on your shoulder.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

See, it’s not fanny packs that are the faux pas — it’s wearing them like a belt that’s the problem.

Tip via Mark Fast.

14. Cover a perfectly sexy vest with a perfectly un-sexy cape.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

I don’t know why you never thought to hit the town dressed like Batman before, guys.

By Mark Fast.

15. Turn stamps into clothes.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

The work of Mary Katranzou, whose show looked quite beautiful:

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

16. Accent dresses with random pieces of duct tape.

Suzanne Plunkett / Reuters

Now here’s a technique that’s easy to DIY.

Via Christopher Kane.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

Plain doilies are for losers.

17. Wear a face that is going to freak out whoever you’re talking to.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

Also by Christopher Kane.

By Fyordor Golan.

18. If you’re a man, wear metallic purple jackets.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

But not if you’re a woman — this look is way too masculine.

By Burberry.

19. Use seams to make your breasts abundantly clear.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

I think this is what every cleavage-obsessed Real Housewife is missing in the winter months — a breasty skirt suit that keeps the chill out.

Also by Burberry.

20. Make sure your leather jacket has room for two.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also make sure your pants take a day off here and there.

Via Burberry.

21. Dress your poodle in a matching designer vest.

You wouldn’t want him to be seen in something from, like, PetsMart. (LOL!)

Look by Mulberry.

22. Look vaguely medieval.

Getty Images

Also isn’t the waist the best place for a ruffle? Widens it riiiight up for you.

23. Wear pointless nouns on your chest.

Getty Images

By Acne.

24. Wear pointless adjectives on your chest.

You can’t see it because of her hair, but this tee says “Bitchin’.”

Also by House of Holland.

25. Wear beautifully colored overalls.

Please, don’t forget the Peter Pan collar underneath.

By House of Holland.

26. Layer your straw hats.

Don’t be the fool that goes out in just one at a time.

Another look by Acne.

27. Make people wonder if your hat is more phallic or nipple-like.

By Fyordor Golan.

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