27 New Rules For Dressing From London

London Fashion Week is known for being wacky in the most awesome way. Let’s see what tips those Brits have for dressing next spring.

1. Underboob is the new sideboob.

Pairs best with shorts that have a matching chiffon overlay.

This look is by a label called, quite perfectly, “MAN.” Can I just say what a pity it is that the images are only easily viewable on I mean…

ID: 591732

2. The pattern on your socks should match the pattern on your track suit.

Another look by MAN. But this wasn’t the finale…

ID: 591736

3. Men need cat tees.

Just like women.

Another rule from here: sheer blouses can be tied around the waist.

ID: 591749

4. Draw all over your face.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

And your metallic bra.

Tip via Louise Goldin.

ID: 591348

5. Wear opaque glasses, but cut slits in them so you can see a little bit.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

Another suggestion from Louise Goldin’s runway.

ID: 591349

6. Wear clear glasses but paint your face a non-flesh color, like mustard.

Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

Add a gray grannie wig for extra drama.

(Tip via Vivienne Westwood.)

ID: 591301

7. Wear your pearls asymmetrically.

Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

So you don’t look like an uptight square.

Also from Westwood’s runway.

ID: 591302

8. Wear hats that look like a combination of a badminton birdie, umbrella, and a hipster’s hair.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

From the Giles show.

ID: 591314
Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Seeing where you’re going is so last season.

ID: 591316

9. Wear fascinators that look like a Saran Wrap sphere for your head.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also from the Giles show.

ID: 591320

10. Look like a walking car crash.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also by Giles.

ID: 591322

11. Wear python inset with yellow pastel, but only on the armpits.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

I guess this sort of dress is what they call ugly beauty.

Look by Erdem.

ID: 591327

12. Make like Kate Middleton Getting Married, and wear lace sleeves.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

But unlike her, you can be sexy about it!

Also from Erdem.

ID: 591331

13. Carry your matching fanny pack on your shoulder.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

See, it’s not fanny packs that are the faux pas — it’s wearing them like a belt that’s the problem.

Tip via Mark Fast.

ID: 591334

14. Cover a perfectly sexy vest with a perfectly un-sexy cape.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

I don’t know why you never thought to hit the town dressed like Batman before, guys.

By Mark Fast.

ID: 591335

15. Turn stamps into clothes.

Stuart Wilson / Getty Images

The work of Mary Katranzou, whose show looked quite beautiful:

ID: 591339
Stuart Wilson / Getty Images
ID: 591341

16. Accent dresses with random pieces of duct tape.

Suzanne Plunkett / Reuters

Now here’s a technique that’s easy to DIY.

Via Christopher Kane.

ID: 591355
Tim Whitby / Getty Images

Plain doilies are for losers.

ID: 591357

17. Wear a face that is going to freak out whoever you’re talking to.

Tim Whitby / Getty Images

Also by Christopher Kane.

ID: 591356

By Fyordor Golan.

ID: 591666

18. If you’re a man, wear metallic purple jackets.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

But not if you’re a woman — this look is way too masculine.

By Burberry.

ID: 591427

19. Use seams to make your breasts abundantly clear.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

I think this is what every cleavage-obsessed Real Housewife is missing in the winter months — a breasty skirt suit that keeps the chill out.

Also by Burberry.

ID: 591429

20. Make sure your leather jacket has room for two.

Ian Gavan / Getty Images

Also make sure your pants take a day off here and there.

Via Burberry.

ID: 591431

21. Dress your poodle in a matching designer vest.

You wouldn’t want him to be seen in something from, like, PetsMart. (LOL!)

Look by Mulberry.

ID: 591444

22. Look vaguely medieval.

Getty Images

Also isn’t the waist the best place for a ruffle? Widens it riiiight up for you.

ID: 591451

23. Wear pointless nouns on your chest.

Getty Images

By Acne.

ID: 591496

24. Wear pointless adjectives on your chest.

You can’t see it because of her hair, but this tee says “Bitchin’.”

Also by House of Holland.

ID: 591517

25. Wear beautifully colored overalls.

Please, don’t forget the Peter Pan collar underneath.

By House of Holland.

ID: 591516

26. Layer your straw hats.

Don’t be the fool that goes out in just one at a time.

Another look by Acne.

ID: 591594

27. Make people wonder if your hat is more phallic or nipple-like.

By Fyordor Golan.

ID: 591656

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