27 Fashion Dos And Don’ts From Milan

At Milan Fashion Week, you can usually count on the clothes to be very shiny. What’s less of a guarantee is where they’ll next figure out they can cut a hole in something. Here are the new rules for dressing from the spring 2013 shows.

1. Do: Experiment with underboob and sideboob and the always tricky… undersideboob!

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

J. Lo got on a plane to Milan as soon as this came down the runway so she could beat Katy Perry to borrowing it.

(Look by Frankie Morello.)

2. Do: Be wary of wearing this Dolce & Gabanna collection.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

The New York Times loved this show, but bloggers are talking about whether or not the collection is racist.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

3. Don’t: Wear these earrings.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

The colonial era-inspired clothes prompted Refinery29 to write, “These severed heads dangling from a pale-skinned model’s ear are not fun or playful, but simply evocative of some of the darkest times in Western history.”

4. Do: Wear knights if you really want to experiment.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

These lady knights dressed in drag are turning out to be less controversial.

5. Don’t: Wear knights as earrings.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

Unless you want to look like a walking cat toy, that is.

6. Do: Run through a fire before wearing your mustard-yellow evening dress.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Make sure to wear shoes that you can actually run in so you don’t also burn your skin.

(Look by Versace.)

7. Don’t: Let the Christmas tree make a fool of you.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Tinsel is for your cocktail dress now.

(Versace.)

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

Or your coat.

(By Marni.)

8. Do: Wear safari shirts that look like a skin disease.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Don’t forget the matching jorts.

(Versace.)

9. Don’t: Flaunt both arms at a time.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

That asymmetrical “Do I have two arms or one?” look is what it’s all about.

(Gianfranco Ferre.)

10. Do: Wear an embroidered cargo pocket jumpsuit robe.

Antonio Calanni / AP

Fashion editors could make the same argument for this that they do for other one-piece outfits like dresses — “it takes the thinking out of getting dressed.” It also puts the mess right back into it.

(Thank you, Pucci.)

11. Don’t: Color in your coat.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

That tracing paper look: so new, now, next!

Also: opaque pants — who needs those!

(Also by Pucci.)

12. Do: Wear pee-colored shades that look like they have centipedes on them.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

No better way to take your brunch companions’ focus off your hungover complexion.

(By Roberto Cavalli.)

13. Do: Try garments that might be a jumpsuit, dress, and/or bathing suit.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

I have no idea what this is but it’s a great cocktail party conversation starter.

(You go, Roberto Cavalli.)

14. Don’t: Dress your love handles.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Air them out for once.

(Again, by Roberto Cavalli.)

15. Do: Show ’80s biker chicks how it’s really done.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

Apparently quilted Chanel bags actually make awesome dresses. Who knew?!

(Look by DSquared2.)

16. Do: Wear jewelry instead of tops.

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

And (arguably depending on what you think constitutes a skirt) instead of bottoms.

(Also by DSquared2.)

17. Don’t: Wear pants with your glam-ass shoes.

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

Also, I would definitely be practicing my bitch face for this.

(DSquared2 again.)

18. Do: Wear flower brooches over your nipples.

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

Act surprised by them!

(DSquared2.)

BREAK!

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

No rule here, I just love this shot of all the models with the designers.

Dos and Don’ts now resume.

19. Don’t: Be afraid of bugs.

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

Bugs are the new cuffs.

(By Marni.)

20. Do: Wear something under your top made entirely of plastic chains.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

Think of your nipples.

(Bold move, Versus.)

21. Do: Wear really ugly sweaters.

Vittorio Zunino Celotto / Getty Images

I think this look is not even ironic anymore.

(Again by Versus.)

22. Do: Restrain yourself if you decide to glue eyeballs onto your veil.

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

Don’t forget, you came with two already.

(Sergei Grinko.)

23. Don’t: Look at Pinterest to come up with your next braided hair look.

Pier Marco Tacca / Getty Images

You know this will never make it on there. Well, at least not for another couple of months.

(From the Studio Privato New Upcoming Designers show.)

24. Do: Wear really shiny textured shoulder pads.

Antonio Calanni / AP

DIY one with one of those covers that keep buffet food warm.

(By Fendi.)

25. Don’t: Wear smooth heels.

Alessandro Garofalo / Reuters

Texture them so that they look studded and Nasty Gal-ish.

(Fendi, again.)

26. Do: Wear sweater vests.

Luca Bruno / AP

Bedazzled ones, obviously.

(By Bottega Veneta.)

27. Don’t: Just play angry birds — wear them, too.

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

A new take on the “Put a Bird on It” meme that no one ever seems to get sick of.

(Frankie Morello.)

Tullio M. Puglia / Getty Images

(Frankie Morello.)

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