1. Do: Experiment with underboob and sideboob and the always tricky… undersideboob!
J. Lo got on a plane to Milan as soon as this came down the runway so she could beat Katy Perry to borrowing it.
(Look by Frankie Morello.)
2. Do: Be wary of wearing this Dolce & Gabanna collection.
The New York Times loved this show, but bloggers are talking about whether or not the collection is racist.
3. Don’t: Wear these earrings.
The colonial era-inspired clothes prompted Refinery29 to write, “These severed heads dangling from a pale-skinned model’s ear are not fun or playful, but simply evocative of some of the darkest times in Western history.”
4. Do: Wear knights if you really want to experiment.
These lady knights dressed in drag are turning out to be less controversial.
5. Don’t: Wear knights as earrings.
Unless you want to look like a walking cat toy, that is.
6. Do: Run through a fire before wearing your mustard-yellow evening dress.
Make sure to wear shoes that you can actually run in so you don’t also burn your skin.
(Look by Versace.)
7. Don’t: Let the Christmas tree make a fool of you.
Tinsel is for your cocktail dress now.
Or your coat.
8. Do: Wear safari shirts that look like a skin disease.
Don’t forget the matching jorts.
9. Don’t: Flaunt both arms at a time.
That asymmetrical “Do I have two arms or one?” look is what it’s all about.
10. Do: Wear an embroidered cargo pocket jumpsuit robe.
Fashion editors could make the same argument for this that they do for other one-piece outfits like dresses — “it takes the thinking out of getting dressed.” It also puts the mess right back into it.
(Thank you, Pucci.)
11. Don’t: Color in your coat.
That tracing paper look: so new, now, next!
Also: opaque pants — who needs those!
(Also by Pucci.)
12. Do: Wear pee-colored shades that look like they have centipedes on them.
No better way to take your brunch companions’ focus off your hungover complexion.
(By Roberto Cavalli.)
13. Do: Try garments that might be a jumpsuit, dress, and/or bathing suit.
I have no idea what this is but it’s a great cocktail party conversation starter.
(You go, Roberto Cavalli.)
14. Don’t: Dress your love handles.
Air them out for once.
(Again, by Roberto Cavalli.)
15. Do: Show ’80s biker chicks how it’s really done.
Apparently quilted Chanel bags actually make awesome dresses. Who knew?!
(Look by DSquared2.)
16. Do: Wear jewelry instead of tops.
And (arguably depending on what you think constitutes a skirt) instead of bottoms.
(Also by DSquared2.)
17. Don’t: Wear pants with your glam-ass shoes.
Also, I would definitely be practicing my bitch face for this.
18. Do: Wear flower brooches over your nipples.
Act surprised by them!
No rule here, I just love this shot of all the models with the designers.
Dos and Don’ts now resume.
19. Don’t: Be afraid of bugs.
Bugs are the new cuffs.
20. Do: Wear something under your top made entirely of plastic chains.
Think of your nipples.
(Bold move, Versus.)
21. Do: Wear really ugly sweaters.
I think this look is not even ironic anymore.
(Again by Versus.)
22. Do: Restrain yourself if you decide to glue eyeballs onto your veil.
Don’t forget, you came with two already.
23. Don’t: Look at Pinterest to come up with your next braided hair look.
You know this will never make it on there. Well, at least not for another couple of months.
(From the Studio Privato New Upcoming Designers show.)
24. Do: Wear really shiny textured shoulder pads.
DIY one with one of those covers that keep buffet food warm.
25. Don’t: Wear smooth heels.
Texture them so that they look studded and Nasty Gal-ish.
26. Do: Wear sweater vests.
Bedazzled ones, obviously.
(By Bottega Veneta.)
27. Don’t: Just play angry birds — wear them, too.
A new take on the “Put a Bird on It” meme that no one ever seems to get sick of.