Oh HIII Marc Jacobs! The most hotly anticipated New York Fashion Week show walked last night and offered more New Rules than the rest of them. Let’s spend some time with this one.
1. Pants are optional, barcodes are not.
Also, WHAT did I say yesterday about a white T-shirt??
2. If your outfit is puzzling, it’s okay to look puzzled.
A model emotes on the Marc Jacobs runway.
3. Low, hip-hugging bottoms will save all the hipsters from their high-waisted wedgies.
After alllll that high-waisted stuff, might we start seeing the kinds of low-slung bottoms that require a bikini wax to wear? I can’t be the only one who constantly feels nostalgic for early Britney Spears.
4. Dresses and jumpsuits should resemble nail art.
The stickers, really.
5. In bright light, look like the only thing you’re wearing is your eyebrows.
6. Stop mowing your sleeves.
7. Don’t just wear your clothes, flap around in them.
Next spring, be a bird.
8. Waffles are the new thin.
A model eating something carb-y backstage.
9. DIY ALERT: Sponge paint your shirt dresses.
Model Carmen Dell’Orefice, who is 81, walked in the Norisol Ferrari show.
Alva Chinn, who is around 60, also appeared in the Norisol Ferrari show.
11. Heels should be clear.
I can’t look at clear heels without thinking about this Chris Rock quote:
When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: “We need something new! Something that just says nasty”…And one girl said: “I got it! Clear heels!” Ooh, girl, you disgusting!”
12. Wear a shawl that looks like fish scales.
And shades of yellow, that wildly undervalued color, everywhere else.
13. Puppies are the new purses.
Susan Sarandon at the Chris Benz show.
14. Wear flats already!!!
Give your feet a break, women.
I loved all the shoes by Ohne Titel, especially these flats.
15. No smoking symbols are the new purses.
Sorta disappointed she didn’t also do something with EXIT signs.
16. Clear plastic is the new denim.
17. Outfits should resemble table-scapes from “Country Living”-esque magazines.
18. Keep warm in your crop top with a snood and long sleeves.
Impractical is the new practical. (Or is it the other way around?)
(rag & bone.)
19. Screw SIGHT.
Now this is a visor (???) I can get behind.
(Thom Browne aka my hero.)
20. Wear sea horses.
21. Don’t just read/mock “Fifty Shades of Grey.”
(Thom Browne with his models.)