Style

25 New Fashion Rules From The New York Runways

Looking like a jail bird is so NOW.

Seth Wenig / AP

Oh HIII Marc Jacobs! The most hotly anticipated New York Fashion Week show walked last night and offered more New Rules than the rest of them. Let’s spend some time with this one.

1. Pants are optional, barcodes are not.

Joe Kohen / Getty Images

Also, WHAT did I say yesterday about a white T-shirt??

(Marc Jacobs.)

2. If your outfit is puzzling, it’s okay to look puzzled.

Joe Kohen / Getty Images

A model emotes on the Marc Jacobs runway.

3. Low, hip-hugging bottoms will save all the hipsters from their high-waisted wedgies.

Joe Kohen / Getty Images

After alllll that high-waisted stuff, might we start seeing the kinds of low-slung bottoms that require a bikini wax to wear? I can’t be the only one who constantly feels nostalgic for early Britney Spears.

(Marc Jacobs.)

4. Dresses and jumpsuits should resemble nail art.

Joe Kohen / Getty Images

The stickers, really.

(Marc Jacobs.)

5. In bright light, look like the only thing you’re wearing is your eyebrows.

Joe Kohen / Getty Images

6. Stop mowing your sleeves.

Keith Bedford / Reuters

(Donna Karan.)

7. Don’t just wear your clothes, flap around in them.

Andrew Burton / Reuters

Next spring, be a bird.

(Carlos Miele.)

8. Waffles are the new thin.

Carlo Allegri / Reuters

A model eating something carb-y backstage.

(Carlos Miele.)

9. DIY ALERT: Sponge paint your shirt dresses.

Andrew Burton / Reuters

(Carolina Herrera.)

10. Age.

Andrew Burton / Reuters

Model Carmen Dell’Orefice, who is 81, walked in the Norisol Ferrari show.

Andrew Burton / Reuters

Alva Chinn, who is around 60, also appeared in the Norisol Ferrari show.

11. Heels should be clear.

Andrew Kelly / Reuters

I can’t look at clear heels without thinking about this Chris Rock quote:

When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: “We need something new! Something that just says nasty”…And one girl said: “I got it! Clear heels!” Ooh, girl, you disgusting!”

(Tracy Reese)

12. Wear a shawl that looks like fish scales.

And shades of yellow, that wildly undervalued color, everywhere else.

(Chris Benz.)

13. Puppies are the new purses.

Susan Sarandon at the Chris Benz show.

14. Wear flats already!!!

Give your feet a break, women.

I loved all the shoes by Ohne Titel, especially these flats.

15. No smoking symbols are the new purses.

Sorta disappointed she didn’t also do something with EXIT signs.

(Charlotte Ronson.)

16. Clear plastic is the new denim.

(Charlotte Ronson.)

17. Outfits should resemble table-scapes from “Country Living”-esque magazines.

(Suno.)

18. Keep warm in your crop top with a snood and long sleeves.

Impractical is the new practical. (Or is it the other way around?)

(rag & bone.)

19. Screw SIGHT.

Now this is a visor (???) I can get behind.

(Thom Browne aka my hero.)

20. Wear sea horses.

(Thom Browne.)

21. Don’t just read/mock “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Wear it.

(Thom Browne with his models.)

22. Carry a lunch box.

(Phillip Lim.)

23. Grow hair from your waist.

(Tory Burch.)

24. Sew all your cutoffs together.

(Phillip Lim.)

25. Wear a marching band hat.

(Karen Walker.)

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