25 New Fashion Rules From The New York Runways

Looking like a jail bird is so NOW.

Oh HIII Marc Jacobs! The most hotly anticipated New York Fashion Week show walked last night and offered more New Rules than the rest of them. Let’s spend some time with this one.

Image by Seth Wenig / AP

1. Pants are optional, barcodes are not.

Also, WHAT did I say yesterday about a white T-shirt??

(Marc Jacobs.)

Image by Joe Kohen / Getty Images

2. If your outfit is puzzling, it’s okay to look puzzled.

A model emotes on the Marc Jacobs runway.

Image by Joe Kohen / Getty Images

3. Low, hip-hugging bottoms will save all the hipsters from their high-waisted wedgies.

After alllll that high-waisted stuff, might we start seeing the kinds of low-slung bottoms that require a bikini wax to wear? I can’t be the only one who constantly feels nostalgic for early Britney Spears.

(Marc Jacobs.)

Image by Joe Kohen / Getty Images

4. Dresses and jumpsuits should resemble nail art.

The stickers, really.

(Marc Jacobs.)

Image by Joe Kohen / Getty Images

5. In bright light, look like the only thing you’re wearing is your eyebrows.

Image by Joe Kohen / Getty Images

6. Stop mowing your sleeves.

(Donna Karan.)

Image by Keith Bedford / Reuters

7. Don’t just wear your clothes, flap around in them.

Next spring, be a bird.

(Carlos Miele.)

Image by Andrew Burton / Reuters

8. Waffles are the new thin.

A model eating something carb-y backstage.

(Carlos Miele.)

Image by Carlo Allegri / Reuters

9. DIY ALERT: Sponge paint your shirt dresses.

(Carolina Herrera.)

Image by Andrew Burton / Reuters

10. Age.

Model Carmen Dell’Orefice, who is 81, walked in the Norisol Ferrari show.

Image by Andrew Burton / Reuters

Alva Chinn, who is around 60, also appeared in the Norisol Ferrari show.

Image by Andrew Burton / Reuters

11. Heels should be clear.

I can’t look at clear heels without thinking about this Chris Rock quote:

When did clear heels become the new whore uniform? When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: “We need something new! Something that just says nasty”…And one girl said: “I got it! Clear heels!” Ooh, girl, you disgusting!”

(Tracy Reese)

Image by Andrew Kelly / Reuters

12. Wear a shawl that looks like fish scales.

And shades of yellow, that wildly undervalued color, everywhere else.

(Chris Benz.)

13. Puppies are the new purses.

Susan Sarandon at the Chris Benz show.

14. Wear flats already!!!

Give your feet a break, women.

I loved all the shoes by Ohne Titel, especially these flats.

Source: pixel.nymag.com

15. No smoking symbols are the new purses.

Sorta disappointed she didn’t also do something with EXIT signs.

(Charlotte Ronson.)

16. Clear plastic is the new denim.

(Charlotte Ronson.)

17. Outfits should resemble table-scapes from “Country Living”-esque magazines.

(Suno.)

18. Keep warm in your crop top with a snood and long sleeves.

Impractical is the new practical. (Or is it the other way around?)

(rag & bone.)

19. Screw SIGHT.

Now this is a visor (???) I can get behind.

(Thom Browne aka my hero.)

20. Wear sea horses.

(Thom Browne.)

21. Don’t just read/mock “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Wear it.

(Thom Browne with his models.)

22. Carry a lunch box.

(Phillip Lim.)

Source: pixel.nymag.com

23. Grow hair from your waist.

(Tory Burch.)

Source: style.com

24. Sew all your cutoffs together.

(Phillip Lim.)

Source: style.com

25. Wear a marching band hat.

(Karen Walker.)

Source: style.com