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21 Things Every Man Needs To Know Before Getting Dressed Next Spring

Let’s see what the designers at London Men’s Fashion Week have up their sleeve for bros to wear basically one year from now. I hope you like tracksuits.

1. Going out in a sweatsuit becomes perfectly acceptable when you have a bucket over your head.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

(Look by Nasir Mazhar.)

2. DIY a face on it (and eye holes, please) so you don’t just look like some weirdo wearing a bucket when you’re walking down the street.

ANDREW COWIE / Getty Images

3. If sweats feel too casual for you, try extra-shiny track pants.

ANDREW COWIE / Getty Images

Fortunately for everyone the pajama trend really knows no limits.

(By E Tautz.)

4. Layer shorts with risque slits over slim pants.

ANDREW COWIE / Getty Images

This will take your slitted shorts to the office, no problem.

(E Tautz.)

5. Wear your computer screen as a coat.

Jonathan Short / AP

Because it’s not like anyone spends enough time looking at computer screens nowadays.

(Xander Zhou.)

6. Flaunt your toe cleavage through sheer paneling.

Jonathan Short / AP

(Xander Zhou.)

7. Accessorize the neck with a choker, the thigh with a garter.

Jonathan Short / AP

It will make up for the fact that no one can see your rings or bracelets.

(Xander Zhou.)

8. Pink terry cloth goes just about anywhere.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

Head, ankles, shins, and thighs… shins and thighs! Etc.

(Nasir Mazhar.)

9. Crop tops just *work* with backpack straps.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

Or, fine: werk.

(Nasir Mazhar.)

10. Tie up the front of your man blouse.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

Anything Miranda Kerr can do you can do better.

(Nasir Mazhar.)

11. Apply body shimmer to the chest when wearing a full pink tracksuit.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

Terrycloth is just so matte on its own.

(Nasir Mazhar.)

12. If your dress feels “too short” just wear shorts of the same fabric underneath.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

(Xander Zhou.)

13. Wear your apron to one side

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

You don’t want anything taking away from your garter.

(Xander Zhou.)

14. White shorts can be slimming if they’re high-waisted.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

(Xander Zhou.)

15. A cluster of nonsensical words painted onto a chest easily substitues for a shirt.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

(Matthew Miller.)

16. Vynl makes any zookeeper’s uniform eight times more fabulous.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

Also, Tevas don’t look half bad if worn over a real pair of shoes.

(Christopher Shannon.)

17. Own at least one thing that’s fully sheer.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

As a man, you don’t have to worry about camisoles. Carine Roitfeld is TOTES jealous of that.

(Christopher Shannon.)

18. Turn your hair into the glittery version of whatever outfit you’re wearing.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

(Christopher Shannon.)

19. If you’re self-conscious of your stomach, you can just layer your crop top.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

(Christopher Shannon.)

20. Balance out the volume of your loose-fitting shorts with a snug-fitting graphic tee.

Danny E. Martindale / Getty Images

And if you can’t afford this one just buy a short-sleeved wetsuit from Billabong.

(James Long.)

21. Wear metallic at least some of the time.

Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

It just makes life more fun. And if this much is all you can muster, so be it.

(Shaun Samson.)

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