1. Wear a baton over your nipple.
This is by Giorgio Armani Prive.
2. Or your shoulder.
Also from the Giorgio Armani Prive runway.
3. Marry someone dressed exactly like you!
The finale of the Chanel couture show was this — two models wearing the same wedding gown, with a child. Designer Karl Lagerfeld explained it was his way of endorsing gay marriage.
4. Look elegant when you trip on your gown.
Honestly I don’t think she could have fallen more prettily.
This is at the Stephane Rolland show.
5. Don’t see where you are going.
Just bump into everything like a drunk person.
Also by Stephane Rolland.
6. Wear the most voluminous jumpsuit you can find.
This has “Academy Awards” written all over it.
By Stephane Rolland.
7. Cut out random pieces of your dress.
8. Wear knotted toilet paper as side bangs.
The clothes in this Chanel show were cute but I’m having a hard time saying the same about the styling.
9. Stop and smell the twigs.
Also from Chanel.
10. Bring “Clueless” back.
Not from the runways, but an adorable look at Hailee Steinfeld, who went to the Chanel show.
11. Look like you’re being blown to the side.
By Stephane Rolland.
12. Wear a lingerie-type onesie and cape as evening wear
This practical suggestion comes from Ulyana Sergeenko.
13. Dress like a bougie peasant.
Also by Ulyana Sergeenko.
14. Have the look of an electrocuted flamingo.
15. Be a pantsed version of Angelina Jolie.
Is this weirder than sticking a bare leg out all night? I can’t decide.
By Giambattista Valli.
16. Wear hairy shoulder pads with your “Real Housewife” cocktail dresses.
Thank Versace for this revelation.
17. Wear vests that look like “Project Runway” clothes.
Also by Versace.
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