17 Dos And Don’ts For Wearing Clothes, Direct From France

The Paris fashion shows are supposed to showcase the very best clothes the world has to offer. Let’s take a look at what probably none of us will be wearing but what probably everyone will be knocking off.

1. Do: Wear placemats sewn together.

Benoit Tessier / Reuters

With hoop earrings, obviously!

(From the Balmain show.)

Beyonce approves.

2. Do: Look like a walking chess game.

Benoit Tessier / Reuters

Leave some extra room in the sleeves for storing the chess pieces.

(By Balmain.)

3. Don’t: Wear a jumpsuit unless it makes everyone’s eyes hurt.

Benoit Tessier / Reuters

Thank Balmain for clearing that one up.

(People who have the balls to wear jumpsuits probably also have the balls to wear insane patterned ones, the thinking may go.)

4. Do: Purchase any and all Hammer pants in LEATHER.

Benoit Tessier / Reuters

Also, what did I say about baggy leather pants? Important Trend News breaks right here on BuzzFeed Shift.

(By Balmain, again.)

5. Do: Wear tiger sweaters.

Charles Platiau / Reuters

Nice to know the cat trend is still alive and well. Here’s a great sequin tiger face sweatshirt if you can’t wait for this to come out.

(Manish Arora.)

6. Don’t: Foolishly limit yourself to wearing just one animal face at a time.

Charles Platiau / Reuters

Note how this model is wearing TWO, one face on her chest and one face on her face. (Meta face.)

(By Manish Arora.)

7. Do: Make your head a fashion statement all its own.

Charles Platiau / Reuters

Eye shadow, dramatic head ornamentation, and great lip glitter.

(Manish Arora.)

8. Don’t: Forget to wear bathing suit bottoms under your skirt.

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Because all these high slits just very well might expose your nether regions.

(Balenciaga, always complicating things.)

9. Don’t: Worry about wearing safe hair pins.

Jacques Brinon / AP

Just wear terrifyingly sharp-looking metal ones.

(Gareth Pugh.)

10. Do: Wear your puffy shirt like you really mean it.

That means: add a cape and enough ruffles to make everyone wonder if you’re pregnant.

(Gareth Pugh.)

11. Don’t: Fuck around with bell bottoms.

Make them as big and swishy as you possibly can, like big mops at the bottom of your legs.

(By our friend Gareth Pugh again.)

12. Don’t: Iron your shirts.

Grunge is in! This won’t be easy to pull off but what a lovely fantasy it is.

(By Dries Van Noten.)

13. Do: JELLYFISH!!!

Also let your friend cut your hair. Who cares if shit is even!

(By Rick Owens.)

14. Don’t: Wear animals that are instantly recognizable.

My colleague Peggy Wang thinks these are panthers, but they also look like whiskered parrots, which is sort of cheeky.

(From Mugler.)

15. Do: Part your hair widow’s peak-like.

And loan me this outfit if you get it because I want it — kthanks!

(By Ann Demeulemeester.)

16. Do: Wear Paul Ryan-sized jackets.

What do you know? The man is… kind of a trend-setter-ish maybe…

17. Do: Make shorts by folding printer paper in half and cutting out semi-circles.

Glue together and voila! Outfit!

(By Rue du Mail.)

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