1. Walk around with a bunch of driftwood taped to your face.
This delightful look comes to us courtesy of the wonderfully simply named label MAN.
2. Make sure the driftwood matches your monochromatic outfit.
Also by MAN.
3. If you’re feeling tired one day, you can settle for this more minimalist wood-on-face approach.
4. Make sure you paint your entire face black if you plain to go for the black wood look.
This will later double as a charming way of attracting potential love interests in bars!
5. Employ patchwork sweaters and ill-fitting track pants at once.
Apparently men still have to do that wildly popular sock flashing thing next winter.
(Look also by MAN.)
6. Wear funky tracksuits you could see Rihanna wearing between her car and a building.
Complete the look with shimmering gold lipstick.
7. Gorilla arms flatter no one, but should be worn regardless.
Dyed fur is another mark of those stylistically “in the know.”
8. Wear everything awkward in your closet at once.
There’s something intellectual about this, no?
9. Your coats should resemble crop tops.
If your waist is really BANGING (read: it’s not a fat day) sling your pants low around your hips.
(This is by Topman Design.)
10. Pair your cropped coats with baggy, pleated pants.
Hey, it’s better for fertility than the tight leather Kanye pants you’ve been wearing.
(By Topman Design.)
11. Fear not turtlenecks in unforgiving fabrics.
Some of the most spectacular pecs ever to be exhibited through a shirt, I think.
12. Vest-wearing dogs are your best accessory.
If you’re not saddled with a murse, you may as well have an adorable dog with you.
13. Wear tiny animals all over your clothes.
It’s a trend that’s become almost woefully exhausted in women’s wear, but the world of men’s fashion tends to be slower on the trend uptake.