10 Reasons Why Trends Are Meaningless

No one can agree on what is going on in fashion!

1. According to the Associated Press, an “adult-quake” is currently “shaking fashion.”

In a story published by the Philippine Star, the AP says that this fall’s clothes “aren’t taking their cues from club kids, college students or teenage rebels.” Citing the influence of period dramas like Downton Abbey and Mad Men, this article argues grown-up, elegant clothes have seized the current fashion mood.

It’s not just fashion experiencing this adult-quake, says Tom Morton, North American chief strategy officer for forecasting and advertising company Havas Worldwide. He prepared a report that dealt with the “pushback against youth obsession.”

In other words, young people can’t afford designer clothes, “adults” can, which is pretty much always the case independent of cultural or economic trends.

2. Meanwhile, “Women’s Wear Daily” says “sexy” is in.

You know, as if looking sexy were ever out. WWD cites the rise of designer Anthony Vacarello, whose dresses are essentially bathing suits with floor-grazing pieces of fabric hanging off them (he famously put Anja Rubik in one such thing at the 2012 Met Gala), and Kate Upton as proof that sexy is the new hotness.

Questioning the ongoing appeal of the genre is as pointless as questioning what the average man finds attractive about Kate Upton, the jiggly swimsuit model who, it stands to note, has pulled herself up by her string bikini straps to the upper echelons of fashion. She now has multiple Vogue editorials in her book.

So if anyone can make us forget about Downton flapper dresses, it’s Kate Upton in one of her patriotic bikinis.

3. Many fashion blogs, like “Style Bistro,” are still hyping the dip-dye hair trend.

“It’s time to move on from usual black or blonde to eye-catching rainbow shades. Dip dye hair trend can add distinction and totally change up your look,” the site reports, although I have a hard time taking a suggestion to dip-dye my hair seriously when Xtina’s headache-inducing, (not-)Kool Aid mane is given as an example.

Image by Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images

4. But according to a hair color expert, reverse dip-dye is about to take hold.

For 2013, head colorist at London’s Errol Douglas Salons Jessica Speechly says reverse dip-dye is going to take over the world of weird hair looks. So instead of kids lightening the bottom of their hair or dying it purple, they’ll do that to the top of their hair, toward the roots. So when it grows out, I guess you end up with thick stripes (hello, 2014!).

The look is already all over Pinterest so this woman might indeed be onto something.

Source: bobbyglam.com

Source: media-cache-ec3.pinterest.com

5. By the way, jeans? They’re going to be baggy/plain.

According to WWD, “Denim is going back to basics with a renewed interest in simple cuts, fits and washes. With that comes a replay of the tried and true boyfriend jean.” Blame Katie Holmes.

6. But jeans are also going to be INSANE.

Refinery 29 recommends brocade skinnies, amazingly with no Downton Abbey reference! Good job, guys.

7. And shoes! The “stocky heel” (i.e., grandma shoes) is totally happening.

Thank the U.K.’s Guardian for bringing this style to our attention. Stocky heels are simply low, square heels, and are apparently favored by “quirky” celebs like Alexa Chung and Zooey Deschanel.

8. But “Glamour” tells us that high, painful-looking heels are still all the rage.

The magazine noticed this pair of Giuseppe Zanotti heels “all over New York Fashion Week,” which is where trends are born, but also where trends die.

Source: glamour.com

9. When it comes to prints, “Vogue” is calling for animal ones.

I thought fashion had drained the animal print well bone-dry but apparently not. “Wild motifs lend unexpected edge to fall’s already optical designs,” Vogue says. Unclear whether this is part of the “sexy” trend or fits better into the “adult-quake.”

10. But The Cut suggests going for “dark florals.”

The Cut warns: “Bad news for warm-weather floral enthusiasts: After analyzing the spring 2013 runways, there is almost nary a rosebud to be worn next season.” Oh mah gahd! But will this trend go with my new leopard pajama pants? I will keep myself up at night.

Or, how about I don’t? The moral of this story: Everything’s in style, and nothing is.