1.
On a map, home often appears in the wrong place – in a box at the side.
2.
And home sometimes looks terrifying.
3.
You got your Sunday newspaper on a Monday (if you were lucky).
4.
People ask if you had running water or electricity when you were a kid.
5.
Or if you had to catch a boat (or row!) to the "mainland" to go to school.
6.
When you know that the mainland is the biggest island in the group and everything else is just "south".
7.
The highlight of a trip "south" was going to McDonald's.
8.
You shake your head when you see a visitor putting up an umbrella.
9.
The smallest kids were kept inside on the windiest school playtimes.
10.
You wince when people say "the Orkneys" and "the Shetlands".
11.
You know it is summer because you have slightly unzipped your anorak.
12.
You know to keep your distance from bonxies.
13.
You know what a "spoo"' is.
14.
Your extended family have an annual reunion for tattie picking.
15.
At school the question wasn't what football team you supported but which make of tractor was your favourite.
16.
Teenage fun could be found sneaking around Neolithic archaeological sites at night.
17.
Or jumping off piers.
18.
You had a "field car".
20.
You know someone who owns a whole island.
21.
You've been to places beyond the end of Google Maps.
22.
You were dragged outside from watching TV to see the Merry Dancers.
23.
You were never stuck in a traffic jam unless it was behind a herd of cows.
24.
You often had a whole beach to yourself to play on.
25.
You thought growing up in Orkney was "quite good".
26.
And now you're older, you know you were right - you were lucky.
