1. On a map, home often appears in the wrong place – in a box at the side.
3. You got your Sunday newspaper on a Monday (if you were lucky).
You also saw films two months after the rest of the country.
4. People ask if you had running water or electricity when you were a kid.
5. Or if you had to catch a boat (or row!) to the “mainland” to go to school.
6. When you know that the mainland is the biggest island in the group and everything else is just “south”.
7. The highlight of a trip “south” was going to McDonald’s.
Or seeing a train. Or some trees.
8. You shake your head when you see a visitor putting up an umbrella.
9. The smallest kids were kept inside on the windiest school playtimes.
10. You wince when people say “the Orkneys” and “the Shetlands”.
It’s ‘Orkney’ and ‘Shetland’!
11. You know it is summer because you have slightly unzipped your anorak.
And people start saying it’s “too hot” at 20 degrees celsius.
13. You know what a “spoo”’ is.
And what walking backwards has to do with finding them.
14. Your extended family have an annual reunion for tattie picking.
15. At school the question wasn’t what football team you supported but which make of tractor was your favourite.
16. Teenage fun could be found sneaking around Neolithic archaeological sites at night.
20. You know someone who owns a whole island.
Although only sheep live there.
22. You were dragged outside from watching TV to see the Merry Dancers.
23. You were never stuck in a traffic jam unless it was behind a herd of cows.
24. You often had a whole beach to yourself to play on.
25. You thought growing up in Orkney was “quite good”.
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