To seem more desirable to my family, I claimed an attempted kidnapping.

When I wasn’t busy administering arbitrary Mario Bros tests to my poor siblings, I was busy using a red pen to make an insane claim that a 27 year old with a voice like a family friend (and a dirt smudge on his face) driving a blue van asked if I wanted anything. Y’know, like kidnappers do. “Hey kid, want anything?” I also described him as looking like Weird Al Yankovic. I am 100% positive this event never occurred, and am troubled by the fact that I gave this to my mother and kind of recall being super angry that she didn’t take it seriously.

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