2. 1 SHOT - Contestant caught like a deer in headlights by Paul Hollywood’s icy stare.
If your shit is under-baked, lord have mercy on your soul.
3. 2 SHOTS - “Another thirty seconds?”
Don’t you dare ask for more time, Mary doesn’t take kindly to begging.
4. 2 SHOTS - Mary Berry erotically flicks crumb from corner of mouth.
Moist is one of her favourite words.
5. 1 SHOT - Sue shoehorns sexual innuendo into link.
And we know what you’re doing in that car park Sue. Sexing. Cakey sexing.
6. 3 SHOTS - Dropped cake.
Drop that cake, and it’s all over. Both for the contestant and your liver.
7. 1 SHOT - Contestant ruins fondant icing with bitter tears of failure.
Get it together love, it’s only sugar and eggs.
8. 3 SHOTS - Viewers realise they’ve never heard anyone say ‘tartlets’ out loud before.
Am I right Sue? Am I right?
9. 1 SHOT PER PLASTER - Blue plaster appears on contestant’s finger.
I need to make a trip to the off license…