1. Appreciate your beauty in whatever form
“Beauty is not forever. It can be blown off your head.”
2. Don’t let him get away with sexual harassment
Don’t put up with sexism and disrespect because you’re a woman.
3. Ladies can play with the boys, too
4. Don’t be ashamed to be the breadwinner
While your husband fools around in the basement.
5. It’s OK to grieve over a man
But move on, because he’s not worth it.
6. You’re never too old to have a wild relationship
Go Tilly! Good riddance, Cotton.
7. Embrace your physical attributes
Size 16 shoe is a lot of feet.
Show ‘em off. Ho yeah!
8. Dang ol’ double standards
How does it feel to get Boomhauer-ed, Boomhauer? Women can have dang ol’ one night stands, too.
9. Strive for leadership positions
And getting that position through a sort of coup d’etat in retaliation for an unfaithful husband makes that position feel even sweeter.
10. Let your voice be heard
I am woman, hear me roar — from the mouth of the gigantic Big Tex!
11. You don’t need a man to defend your honor
And defend other women from an evil renaissance king.
12. Challenge male oppression
If you don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom because you want to work, a public shaming of your husband ought to do the trick.