1. Wake up to your CD alarm clock playing “NOW That’s What I Call Music Vol. 1.”
Featuring Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, Fastball, Aqua, Marcy Playground, and more. (We’re now up to Volume 45 as of February 2013.)
2. Take a shower and wash your hair with Herbal Essences shampoo.
Try to forget those “totally organic experience” TV commercials while you lather up.
3. Put on cargo pants, a baby-doll tee, platform sandals, plastic stretch tattoo necklace, butterfly hair clips, and multiple earrings from Claire’s.
You’re a walking Delia’s advertisement.
4. Spray yourself with Gap perfume.
You not only had the spray, but the candle, the body wash, the lotion, the roll-on…
5. Don’t forget the glitter!
You have more stackable pots and rollers than an aisle at Michael’s craft store.
6. The first thing you say to your friends at school isn’t “Hello”…
It’s, “Ohmigawd, can you believe what happened on Buffy/7th Heaven/Dawson’s Creek last night?”
7. Pictures of NSYNC or Backstreet Boys (never both) adorn your locker
It’s either Nick or Justin. Pick a side.
8. If “Heathers” were made a decade later, it would’ve been named “Jessicas.”
Because you had a minimum of three in your class. Likely more.
9. Check the time on your beeper.
Only one of your friends had a cell phone, and she only used it to call her parents to pick her up after school.
10. Ignore what’s happening in statistics class.
You’re playing Tetris or Snake on your TI-83 Plus graphing calculator.
11. Type up your college essay on a Gateway in computer class.
Try to sneak online, but the 28.8k modem gives you away. Play Minesweeper instead.
12. College is *so* going to be like “Felicity.”
And you’re totally going to school in New York City.
13. Plan your senior yearbook quote years ahead.
Fight with your friend over who gets to include Green Day’s “Good Riddance.” Settle on Semisonic’s “Closing Time” instead.
14. Lunch always includes Fruitopia or Snapple.
And you saved all of your Snapple Facts caps.
15. Pore over the latest Alloy, Girlfriend’s LA, and Delia’s catalogs with your friends.
Decide to order some shirts with names of snowboard and surfing companies on them, even though you’ve never done either sport.
16. Listen to the Spice Girls on your Discman while riding the bus home.
Lie to your friends and say it’s actually The Offspring’s Americana.
17. Open the mailbox when you get home.
Your YM and Seventeen subscriptions arrived!
18. But you have more important things to do…
Like sign on to AOL, email everyone a 50-question survey about yourself in Comic Sans MS, and say important things like “A/S/L?” in chat rooms. LOL ;)
19. Update your Angelfire or Geocities website
Don’t forget neon text, rainbow dividers, and spinning GIFs!
20. Get knocked off of AOL when your brother picks up the phone.
21. Pop the mixtape your friend made you into your stereo while you do your homework.
Those final days before Napster and CD burning.
22. Watch your favorite TV show and call your friends during every commercial break.
You never missed an episode, whether it was Buffy, 7th Heaven, Charmed, Felicitiy, or Dawson’s Creek.
- The gun allegedly used by an undocumented immigrant to shoot and kill a woman on a San Francisco pier last week may have been stolen from a federal agent.
- Bounce TV and BET will no longer air series featuring Bill Cosby after court records showed he admitted to buying sedatives to give to women.
- Subway has suspended Jared Fogle, the weight-loss guy from their commercials, due to an FBI investigation.