Dear Dudes, This Is What Having A Period Is Actually Like.

Today a guy said to me, "Just because Girls have some cramps, it doesn't mean that they have to walk around with sticks up their asses all week." LOL. Okay. I'm not trying to embarrass you bro, but those sticks are called TAMPONS , and that's exactly what that means. But, I get it. I mean, it's not your fault that you happened to be blessed with a penis. You really have no way of truly understanding the daily struggle that is a girl's period. NBD. There are plenty of other men out there, in the same boat as you, and I'm about to fill you all in.

-Uterus: YO! 4am BITCH, TIME TO RISE AND CRY.

-Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

-*Ring**Ring* Hay girl-your hormones here, just wanted to say GO FUCK YOURSELF.

-Hungry.

-I mean horny.

-I mean hungry.

-I mean hungry AND horny?

-HORNGRY?

-IDK, LIKE FUCKING OREOS ARE TURNING ME ON RIGHT NOW.
-pants: LOL, good luck getting me on.

-SHUTUP PANTS.

-YOU DONT KNOW SHIT.

-I DONT NEED YOU.

-Oops, dropped a pen. BETTER CRY ABOUT IT!

-Alright, wait. I lied. I Need you pants.

-Forgive me?

-nope.still.wont.button.

-yep.still.crying.over.pen.

-OVARIES, WHYYYYYYY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?

-Like, I’m sorry I didn’t get you pregnant?

-I want fucking cookies.

-No. I want cookies while fucking.

-SEX.WITH.ANYTHING!!!!!!!!

-NVM, cramp city bitch, cramp, cramp, city bitch.

-ouchouchouuchouch

-Hello? 911? Uh, yes…I’d like to report a murder.

-IT’S MY FUCKING UTERUS, IT’S TRYING TO KILL ME.

-Organ? More like whoregan.

-So many feelings. Better eat them!

-Eating everything.

-Eating too much.

-No, seriously. Cannot. stop. eating.

-PAIN, AGONY, FATIGUE, DISCOMFORT? Gang’s all here!

-Oh Shit, I need more tampons.

-Didn’t I just buy some last month?

-$7.00?

-Ugh. Why are tampons so expensive?

-Am I being punked???

-Where’s Ashton???

-WHY AM I CONSTANTLY BEING PUNISHED FOR HAVING A VAGINA?!

-I QUIT.

-GIVE ME A DICK OR GIVE ME DEATH.

-Ugh. Wait. Dick sounds so good right now.

-Wait why am I being such a slut?

-I heard chocolate helps with that. Buy all of the bags!

-Can’t forget the Midol, $9 more dollars!

-IT’S FINE, really.

-Waddup 16 year old male cashier! YEAH. I’m bleeding from my fucking vagina……You wanna fight about it?

-Didn’t think so. Scan my tampons, Bitch.

-What’s that?

-“Have a nice day?”

-YOU DONT TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE.

-Hold on…is there red on my pants?? Can you check?

-Oh, thank god.

-*COUGH.*

-Yep, now there’s red on my pants.

-*Sneeze*, Niagra falls.

-*Laugh*, Niagra falls.

-*Breathe*, NIAGRA FUCKING FALLS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

-OK, really need to stop blacking out. Like, did I have a one night stand with satan?

-Cause his spawn is definitely in my uterus right now.

-Do you think he wants a taco?

-He probably wants a taco.

-MMMMMMMM TACOOOOOOO.

-NOMNOMNOMNOM.

-Shamuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, I am your father.

-Well hey there, welcome to the party migraine!

-Oh. Fuck. Look at that lonely piece of trash in the alley, just laying there all by itself. SO SAD. Better cry about it!

-9:00- Bae, come over and cuddle with me, heart emoticon, x0x

-9:05- JK. crabby AF now. Can you like just like gimmie some space?

-9:10- Why in the actual fuck has he not called me to see how I’m feeling?

-ASSHOLE.

-He obviously hates me.

-Whutever, hate him more.

-Men are pigs.

-IDC, soOoOoOo over it.

-INDEPENDENT WOMAN!
-DONT WANNA BE IN LOVE!
-DANCING ON MY OWN!
-I’M A SURVIVOR!
-LEAVE ( GET OUT)!
-BYE, BYE, BYE!

-JK JK JK, I take it back. I totally care.

-TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART!
-I WANT YOU BACK!
-I LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE!
-I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!
-I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!
-STAY WITH ME!
-BLEEDING LOVE!

-Wait. Actually, just bleeding everything.

-Bleeding everywhere.

-So.much.blood. *Paging Detective Stabler*

-Should I go buy more tampons?

-No.Too Far. Already took pants off.

-CAN’T GET COMFORTABLE.

-LIFE IS THE WORST.

-CRYING.

-CRYING SO HARD.

-To eat ice cream or commit a felony? That is the question…

-Eating the whole fucking gallon, cause WHO GON’ STOP ME?

-NO ONE.
-I DO WHAT I WANT.

-Omg, Why didn’t someone stop me?!?!?!

-Calling the bestie.

- Hi, Does my voice sound fat?
-*sob* I’m *sob* like *sob* soooooooo *sob**sniffle*sob* fricken *sob* fat *sob* right *sob* now.

-Better start a juice cleanse immediately.

-and by juice, I mean wine.

-CHUG THE WINE.

-CHUG ALL OF THE WINE.

-Wait a minute. Why don’t Tampons vibrate??! That is the better question….

-Holy Shit. Vibrator tampons. Can someone make that happen?

-ouch.

-ouch.

-ouch.

-ouch.

-ouch.

-OUCH.

-FUCK THIS.

-FUCK THAT.

-FUCK YOU.

-FUCK ME.

-FUCK OFF.

-Wait. Actually, just fuck me. Like, literally. WILL SOMEBODY JUST DO ME PLZZZ.

-GETTING TURNED ON BY NOTHING AND EVERYTHING.

-Not sure if I need sex or sandwich or sleep……

-HALP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Ok, Sleep.I should probably sleep.

-Crawl into new favorite position: fetal.

-Pass out on white sheets.

-Wake up on Japanese flag.

-WHUTEVA- DIDN’T LIKE THOSE $25 VICTORIA SECRET PANTIES ANYWAYS.

-CRY

-YELL.

-EAT.

-SLEEP

-DIE.

-(Repeat) X 5 days

EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH.

So, there you have it. Just imagine that being your day, and remember, that when it comes to a girl’s period, there is a list of things that you simply should not say about it:

1. ANYTHING