The Stages Of Being Home Alone

Roommates are gone? Yay! Let’s break down the progression of emotional stages from when they first leave to when they finally come home.

1. First you feel liberated: time for the clothes to come off.

Yup, that’s right. Nobody’s around to judge you for your lack of pants and top?! Don’t mind if I do — take off all my clothes and dance around to Christmas music prematurely.

You’re so seductive.

2. Next you start to feel a bit adventurous and naughty (in the KITCHEN of course!)

Nobody around to tell you NOT to pretend you’re on an Iron Chef Quick Fire challenge with the leftover chinese food and other random items from your fridge?! Sounds like the perfect time to experiment and make the house smell as weird and funky as you want!

3. After earting, you feel totally focused. Time to study, do house work, homework, etc.

I mean. Maybe not TOTALLY focused. But it’s so quiet and the only distraction you have is yourself and the internet. Cutting out that 3+ hour of chit chat and shenenanigans with the roomies really aids in at least some productivity. So at least you’ll be able to do a bit more work than normal.

4. Then you start to feel a tad lonely.

It’s starting to get dark outside and you are starting to realize that you are going to be sleeping alone in an empty apartment/house/mobile home/abode.

5. But then you remember the comfort that is TV (or Netflix.)

No one around to snuggle? Grab a fluffy blanket and curl up on your bed or couch and watch some TV.

6. But wait! You heard a noise and now you’re terrified!

You just heard something and you just know there’s someone or something in the house. Worst-case scenarios stream through your head as you proceed to freak out.

7. This makes you feel a bit silly.

Once you found the source of the noise, you feel a bit silly — most likely a 3M hook that had too much weight on it, so it fell. You’re an adult, so you mock your fear from the minutes previous and continue on your awesome night alone!

8. But then you start feeling sentimental.

Oh, did I forget to mention you’ve been maintaing a strong day buzz since the roomies left? As the drinks become more frequent, the TV that once comforted you shows your TV friends having fun with other people. You and your roommates used to have fun a day ago. Now they are gone. You drink more to numb the pain.

9. Ultimately you feel empty.

It’s really no longer cool that your roommates aren’t here and a part of you is just empty. You want them back in your life, stat. You can’t see your TV anymore because the alcohol has turned on you, so you go to take a drunken sad sleep.

10. But finally when they come home you feel ECSTATIC!

Your roommates don’t know what’s going hit them the moment they walk through the door. Your pounding headache will take a momentary back-burner. Assuming the love is mutual, this is about to be one helluva love fest.

Being reunited truly never felt this good.

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