1. Who wants blueberry pie first thing in the morning anyway?
2. Look how invasive that syrup is- it's getting EVERYWHERE.
3. This looks suspiciously like pizza, which would be the worst way to start your day.
4. Wait-- you ARE pizza. First thing in the morning? I couldn't POSSIBLY.
Recipe for breakfast pizza with avocado and asparagus here.
5. I'll bet those bits of cheese are melty and gooey inside there, which I don't know if I can handle before noon.
6. This oatmeal is so easy you don't even have to stir it, which is like, so boring.
7. Starting your day with fried chicken would just make you think it's your birthday and therefore spoil you rotten and we can NOT have that.
8. Runny yolks, spicy tomato sauce, crusty bread- I'm sorry, I did not sign up for this.
9. Listen, I know this egg only takes 60 seconds to microwave, but I just don't have the time.
10. That's a lot of sugar first thing in the morning, which just feels kinda irresponsible.
11. Perfectly toasted bagels give me nightmares.
12. GROSS.
13. You're saying "breakfast smoothie", but I'm hearing "delicious creamy blended beverage" and that feels like false advertising.
14. As if I needed another way to eat tacos.
15. This is so tall, how does anyone expect it to fit inside a mouth?
16. If the phrase "berry pie filling" gets your juices flowing, then by all means.
17. Warm, toasted banana bread slathered with vanilla butter sounds like a trick to get me out of bed and I don't appreciate it.
18. I don't care how many golden brown mushrooms you're filled with– If I can't spell it, I'm not sure I'm gonna make it.
19. Well doesn't this look like a "complete breakfast". How "nutritious".
20. This egg yolk looks dangerous and should be locked up in jail forever.
21. These seem small, and therefore unsafe to bring around children.
22. "Do you want a healthy breakfast?" Seems like a cruel trick question.
23. That pool of syrup looks like a health hazard. Don't even get me started on that melty pat of butter.
