21. Johnny Horne
Johnny Horne is a hunk! Johnny got nowhere near enough screen time, but in another life he could have been the coffee shop version of Tim Riggins.
20. Garland Briggs
I love a man in uniform! Which is a good thing because he is literally always wearing his uniform. And what a uniform.
19. Hank Jennings
Hank is that guy your mom warned you about. “Oh sweet child, I want to warn you to stay away from a really obviously bad guy who fiddles with dominoes on his keychain and also has a mullet. It is just probably a good idea if you stay away from a person like that.”
18. Mike Nelson
Mike is a solid option if you can’t score yourself a Bobby Briggs. Shows unexpected depth as the series progresses and really knows how to rock a Letterman jacket which was of supreme importance in the late 80s and early 90s. I wonder what position Mike played on the football team because for some reason I don’t think the show ever mentioned it.
17. Gordon Cole
Gordon Cole is a person that will write an epic poem for you. Also he has a hairdo that manages to be both rad AND gnarly at the same time. No easy task!
16. Harold Smith
Three words: Dreamy. Agoraphobic. Horticulturist.
15. Windom Earle
Definitely not conventionally handsome, but he has a really great sense of humor and likes to play games (mostly chess).
14. John Justice Wheeler
He’s a pilot AND Billy Zane. What the hell more could you ask for? Probably not much.
13. James Hurley
James Hurley is that broody mysterious motorcycle riding heart of gold dude that we all dream of. He also kind of looks like my friend Cooper and Cooper is BUFF.
12. Jerry Horne
Jerry is kind of short and weird, but he has some excellent hunkish qualities. He’s fiercely loyal, a connoisseur of European novelties such as “bread with cheese”, an adventurous dresser, a party animal, and the kind of dude you’d like to have around in a pinch (unless he was your lawyer). Just look at that smile and bow tie combination. He’s a gem sitting in the bargain bin, waiting to be snatched up.
11. Harry S. Truman
Harry is both honorable and accessible. He’s also both a lawman and a member of a secret society. Harry seems very simple on the surface, but that’s just because he’s not trying to impress anyone. He’s solid, looks good in a sweater, and grandma would adore the hell out of him. You could do a lot worse in this town! Like Hank for instance. What a creep!
10. Leland Palmer (white hair)
The white hair lends him some much needed gravitas after being so sad for most of the first season. And it also turns out he has a great voice and a disarming smile. Leland is also very sensitive and unlike some so-called “men”, isn’t scared of the power of a good cry.
9. Phillip Jeffries
A criminally underutilized hunk.
8. Big Ed Hurley
Big Ed is a strong, quiet, handy, blue collar sweetheart that looks out for everyone. He radiates decency and owns a lot of flannel and at least one bolo tie. He’s also a tall drink of water (6’4) and accidentally shot his wife’s eye out, which proves the old adage, “Nobody’s perfect” or at least mostly proves it.
7. Dale Cooper
He’s not bad looking. Kind of weird.
6. The Man From Another Place
He has a nice place, good taste in music, knows a lot of cool “people”, and is always down for something confusing and fun.
5. Leo Johnson
Leo is not a good dude, but as far as raw truck driving sex appeal goes he has broken the Richter scale and we are in DefCon 5 red alert. And don’t be fooled. The one overall strap look is NOT spontaneous.
4. Dick Tremayne
Sophisticated, urbane, classy, Dick is a big fish in a very small pond. Not only he is clever (as the English tend to be) but he’s an excellent dresser and at one point thought the child he was looking after was actually possessed by the devil or something like that.
3. Albert Rosenfield
Albert is the smartest and funniest guy in whatever room he happens to be in. He’s also a person who has convictions, as evidenced by this exchange after getting punched in the face by Sheriff Truman: “I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I’ll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method… is love. I love you Sheriff Truman.” So to sum up, Albert is wonderful, and the actor who plays him is George Clooney’s cousin. I’m not sure how close they are though.
2. Benjamin Horne
Think of Ben as co-owner of the top slot. Ben is just a seriously damaged person. He is a project. The broken wing of a particularly rich and scruple free eagle. But there’s something within Ben that is also inspiring. Ben IS the town of Twin Peaks. And though much of his time is spent lying and cheating and generally being a greedy son of a bitch, Ben manages to find the light. And in doing so becomes a veritable dreamboat of epic cigar chomping proportions.
1. Tommy “Hawk” Hill
Hawk is a dependable cutie that pwns all day, pwns all night. He dispatches n00bs with contemptuous ease, but he has a softer side as well, a sensitivity not often seen in small town lawmen. Hawk is a man that will never let you fail. And a hunk, obviously. For such a tiny town there are so many good options, but when the dust clears, and the rubble is hauled away, and the debris is cleaned up, Hawk has to be the answer. Hawk. The hunkiest man from Twin Peaks. Let the people know!