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Important Shirtless Male Model Moments From New York Fashion Week

It’s that time when the swimwear gets so skimpy that the P in VPL doesn’t stand for “panty.” (It stands for penis.)

1. Menswear fashion shows are always good fun. Because, quite simply, the models look like this:

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

 

South Korean model Jae Yoo, walking in the Nautica show.

2. And they get better still when the clothes, well, don’t clothe much.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

 

3. Even the slightest hint of a nipple improves the situation greatly, for example.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

This is certainly true of the overexcited soccer moms sat in front of me at the Nautica show, who’d resorted to veritable wolf whistles by this point in the show at the merest hint of a toned torso.

4. Case in point: Here’s the disgustingly perfect physical specimen that is male model Vladimir Ivanov.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

5. And here again, but this time shirtless. Much better.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

CARLO ALLEGRI / Reuters

 

6. Also better.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

7. Much, much better.

CARLO ALLEGRI / Reuters

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

 

The beaded necklace, not so much, though.

8. Yes these are leather shorts, and yes, this model should just TAKE THEM OFF… because they are going to chafe, or something.

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

Frazer Harrison / Getty Images

 

Incidentally, many of the models in the Nautica show wore whistles. And the randy soccer moms I mentioned earlier most certainly made the obligatory oral sex jokes in relation to that styling choice. If you can’t imagine the punchline(s), well, then good job you, because you’re not depraved.

9. Re: depravity, obviously I took these photos only to illustrate the fact that just about everyone else in attendance (straight males notwithstanding) was taking photos themselves.

BuzzFeed / Alex Rees

BuzzFeed / Alex Rees

 

Also many people were breathing heavily. And not just because the tents tend to get humid, which they do, but because this model, I mean LOOK AT HIM. You shouldn’t need to be encouraged to look at him, but still.

10. Here is an appropriate “fan me down”-style GIF, just because.

11. We’ll be seeing that GIF again, because it’s now that time of the post where we recount the near-naked brilliance that is a Parke & Ronen menswear runway show.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

This season it came scheduled mere hours after the Nautica presentation. Barely enough time to recover from the excitement/shame spiral of round 1, believe me. More than a few gay male showgoers were left reaching for their “smelling salts,” that’s a (not) true fact.

12. And look, it’s our chiseled-from-only-the-finest-male-model-block-of-marble friend again.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

You might say he has an allergy to shirts that no sane doctor would want to cure. Or you might not, because honestly, hasn’t there been enough objectification already?

13. Actually, no, there has not been enough objectification. Let’s continue.

14. There we go.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

15. Titled “Greek idylls,” Parke & Ronen’s collection featured the clothes you see on shamelessly buff European guys at Mediterranean beach resorts.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

Well, perhaps the concept of gold shorts hasn’t crossed the Atlantic yet. But let’s hope for the best.

16. And why stop at gold board shorts when iridescent hot pants are an option?

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

17. Perhaps paired with a nicely matching hooded jacket.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

18. Unrelated to all the metallics, but these pants were really cute.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Ditto the model. (Obvious comment is obvious.)

19. But just as with the Nautica show before it, everything got better with the clothes removed from the equation.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

20. Indeed.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

21. Basically the same photo twice, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

22. The Parke & Ronen finale: more swimmies than you’d expected, yet also less crotch coverage.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

23. Less coverage still: this briefs-only walk-through, which came pre-show, before doors opened to regular, gawking guests.

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

Arun Nevader / Getty Images

 

And that’s probably for the best, because these undies leave next to nothing to the imagination.

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