1. Menswear fashion shows are always good fun. Because, quite simply, the models look like this:
South Korean model Jae Yoo, walking in the Nautica show.
2. And they get better still when the clothes, well, don’t clothe much.
3. Even the slightest hint of a nipple improves the situation greatly, for example.
This is certainly true of the overexcited soccer moms sat in front of me at the Nautica show, who’d resorted to veritable wolf whistles by this point in the show at the merest hint of a toned torso.
4. Case in point: Here’s the disgustingly perfect physical specimen that is male model Vladimir Ivanov.
5. And here again, but this time shirtless. Much better.
6. Also better.
7. Much, much better.
The beaded necklace, not so much, though.
8. Yes these are leather shorts, and yes, this model should just TAKE THEM OFF… because they are going to chafe, or something.
Incidentally, many of the models in the Nautica show wore whistles. And the randy soccer moms I mentioned earlier most certainly made the obligatory oral sex jokes in relation to that styling choice. If you can’t imagine the punchline(s), well, then good job you, because you’re not depraved.
9. Re: depravity, obviously I took these photos only to illustrate the fact that just about everyone else in attendance (straight males notwithstanding) was taking photos themselves.
Also many people were breathing heavily. And not just because the tents tend to get humid, which they do, but because this model, I mean LOOK AT HIM. You shouldn’t need to be encouraged to look at him, but still.
10. Here is an appropriate “fan me down”-style GIF, just because.
11. We’ll be seeing that GIF again, because it’s now that time of the post where we recount the near-naked brilliance that is a Parke & Ronen menswear runway show.
This season it came scheduled mere hours after the Nautica presentation. Barely enough time to recover from the excitement/shame spiral of round 1, believe me. More than a few gay male showgoers were left reaching for their “smelling salts,” that’s a (not) true fact.
12. And look, it’s our chiseled-from-only-the-finest-male-model-block-of-marble friend again.
You might say he has an allergy to shirts that no sane doctor would want to cure. Or you might not, because honestly, hasn’t there been enough objectification already?
13. Actually, no, there has not been enough objectification. Let’s continue.
14. There we go.
15. Titled “Greek idylls,” Parke & Ronen’s collection featured the clothes you see on shamelessly buff European guys at Mediterranean beach resorts.
Well, perhaps the concept of gold shorts hasn’t crossed the Atlantic yet. But let’s hope for the best.
16. And why stop at gold board shorts when iridescent hot pants are an option?
17. Perhaps paired with a nicely matching hooded jacket.
18. Unrelated to all the metallics, but these pants were really cute.
Ditto the model. (Obvious comment is obvious.)
19. But just as with the Nautica show before it, everything got better with the clothes removed from the equation.
21. Basically the same photo twice, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
22. The Parke & Ronen finale: more swimmies than you’d expected, yet also less crotch coverage.
23. Less coverage still: this briefs-only walk-through, which came pre-show, before doors opened to regular, gawking guests.
And that’s probably for the best, because these undies leave next to nothing to the imagination.